A shocking but important lesson I have learnt today on Respect and Good Vibrations Spreading for the New Year Eve

I had the idea of writing that blog post, just after I have received an unexpected phone call this evening at my in-laws’ place, and it made me so furious that a fight even happened between me and my husband, but finally ending with an understanding from my husband.

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Like every 2nd of January, at my in-laws’ place in Mauritius, my father-in-law organizes a big lunch reuniting all his brothers, sisters-in-law, my mother-in-law, his sons, daughters-in-law, nephews, nieces and grandchildren within the commemoration of the New Year. As we had the opportunity to come to Mauritius to celebrate the New Year with them for one week, we had a wonderful dinner organized in a very good atmosphere, even though the children, ie my nephew and my son, were messing around here and there as kids 🙂 After dinner though, the phone rang and I picked up the phone, thinking that it was my husband’s brother who was calling to inform that he arrived safely at home, since he always calls when he reaches home safely. Instead of him, it was a female voice which seemed to be familiar to me but for which I wasn’t sure myself, and I came to know that it was my cousin’s wife’s voice, an insane and hypocrite woman I really dislike, since she gossiped a lot against me and my husband with a lot of people in the family and is reputed to be a troublemaker and a disrespectful person. She thought first it was my mother-in-law who picked up the phone, but then she came to know that it was me, whom she mentioned as “D….’s wife!” It made me extremely angry when she called me as “D…’s wife” (NB: D is the initial letter of my husband’s first name), since we know each other since I was 7 years old and since she knows very well that we are sisters-in-law and that her husband and I are cousins. She suddenly treated me as a stranger instead of a family member, and this partly thanks to the gossips my mother made against my in-laws and even against myself when some serious conflicts between my parents and my in-laws arose exactly 11 years ago, in year 2007 on a 2nd January evening during the annual New Year dinner! I didn’t hesitate to talk to her very brutally in presence of my husband and of my mother-in-law and put that asshole back at her place, since I didn’t appreciate the fact she was treating me as a stranger, as she knows me very well since I was a child, and this was something I interpreted totally as a pure lack of respect towards a family member, even though I am younger than her. My husband and my mother-in-law, instead of supporting me, reproached me for my brutality against her since it’s the New Year, instead of understanding the way she disrespected me and treated me as a total stranger. But after a tough explanation, at least my husband understood the situation though it was very hard to understand it first for him.

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First of all, even though I wrote the blog post previously about Fireworks, Thankfulness and Forgiveness, and even though I wished a Happy New Year and decided to forgive all my frienemies and enemies, it doesn’t mean that I accepted what those people did to me… and that sister-in-law is unfortunately among all those adversaries that I have in life, belonging to the last category I mentioned on those who act as spies for my adversaries in disguise of a fake and hypocrite friendship, only to fish information from me and then repeating everything to my adversaries to allow them destroying me a little more. Then I started thinking about what has just happened and I started asking me some fundamental questions: Why do also hypocrites wish us Happy New Year? Why do they think of us and wish us the best whereas behind our back they keep on criticizing, blaspheming and gossiping against us constantly? Why should I wish her a hypocrite Happy New Year in return of her hypocrite wishes, whereas she doesn’t even deserve those wishes from me after all the pain she caused to me?

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The Wikipedia gives two definitions of the words respect and which are totally true. The first one as “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.” and the second one as “due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.” Further to my own experiences that I have had, I HATE the second definition, which is something that I see in a very extreme way in my own patriarchal family, which is of Hindu religion, and in which the youngsters must always respect their elders, even though the elders never respect them and mistreat them. For me, this is not respect, this is pure abiding and I never understood and was always against it since I was a child. See my narcissistic parents for example. Why should I respect them despite all the pain they caused to me due to the emotional and verbal abuse I have been experimenting as a golden child or as a scapegoat alternatively and depending of their mood swings? And unfortunately this is the kind of respect that all the youngsters of my patriarchal family were taught to practice towards my parents, especially since my father belonged to the second generation if we consider my grandparents’ generation as the first one. According to what I heard, it seemed that all the elders disrespected their children but the children were forced to abide, especially the girls in the family. For me I am categorical: if a child respects his grandparents and elders, that same child also deserves the same respect from his elders equally.

However, wherever, nonetheless, I accept that definition of respect is when I retrieve myself in some specific circumstances. For example, I will express my respect if there is a funeral in a family or among some people who are in pain, even though I don’t really love them. This is exactly what I am actually feeling for my sister-in-law, since her father fell seriously ill due to some cardiac complications and had to do surgery in emergency to recover. I will express my respect if I see a funerary procession, in a cemetery or a marriage being celebrated by avoiding to make some noise. I will express some respect for other religions even though their beliefs are different from mine. I will express some respect in case there is a prayer being held in any religious buildings such as a temple, a church, a mosque, etc by not making noise. I will respect the regulations when it comes on specific places such as supreme court or hospitals. I will respect the decision of keeping a minute of silence for people who died even though I don’t know them personally. I will respect the hard work made by anyone who took so much time to concretise it, such as the buildings of the architects or the novels written by an author, or the ascension of newly graduated people doing their first steps into the professional world. I will also respect God and all Its creations, and for example avoid some behaviors when I go to the prayer room. I have respect for Mother Nature and for cleanliness, which makes that I always care for having a good life hygiene in respect of the environment around me and of my own health. There are so many examples again to mention but they are some examples of behavior I adapt as any good citizen would do, either in Mauritius or overseas.

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However, I really enjoy the first definition of respect, and this is that kind of respect that I feel for some celebrities and also for several of my loved ones among my family, my in-laws, my friends, my social networks and society in general. I would like to illustrate that definition of respect, not with an example, but rather with a counter-example. It’s been one year since I am good friends with a young public figure, Krishna Athal. The way we came to know each other and we became good friends is very particular, since it’s thanks to one of his college friends, who is also another local Mauritian celebrity like him, that I heard about Krishna for the very first time, but not with the best critics unfortunately. The local celebrity who criticized Krishna so harshly shamelessly showed his true colors to Krishna one day, while they met in a restaurant one day during lunch time. Krishna was talking on his mobile phone, whereas the local celebrity was by hazard entering the restaurant. The celebrity saw Krishna and didn’t care if he was on the phone. He toughly patted Krishna on his shoulder with his hand from behind, and this was something Krishna said he really hated, and I give him right on that since if this happened to me in public, I wouldn’t have hesitated to reprimand the person even though it’s somebody who is close to me. What made me laughing was that the local celebrity asked Krishna “Ki position mo frere?” (How are you, my brother in Mauritian Creole). As Krishna already knew the truth through me on all the bad things that the celebrity gossiped with me against him, he didn’t answer and kept on talking on the phone and told me that when it happened, he thought of me and he smiled 🙂 I really admire Krishna’s calm temperament in front of the thunderstorm, and I wish I could imitate him because I was really boiling by the way the celebrity did against Krishna, especially when he mentioned Krishna as a “brother” in the face, but talked rubbish against him and his personality behind his back. For me also this is a huge lack of respect, and purely hypocrisy. If you are not in good terms with someone you consider as an enemy, why should you then be hypocrite with that person? Better let that person go and move your own way without offending anyone, nah?

For the New Year also, as the whole family reunites together with my in-laws, there are a lot of hypocrites who sit at the same table and enjoy that family moment with us. But since I am a daughter-in-law in a Hindu family, even though I don’t have anything to do with them, I unfortunately have no other opportunities than to socialize with them like with the rest of the society during those family meetings and to please them if they wish to organize plans for us during our holidays. But frankly if I had an opportunity to avoid all that, I would have done it since a very long time. But there is another reason which retains me from doing that, and that reason is that I have a son who is growing up and being raised into that family too though we live away from them all geographically, and that my in-laws, as well as his patriarchal grandparents, my husband and I as his parents, are the only references that he has in life to be able to evaluate… and of course without forgetting also his teachers who are also his other references, but which thank God, are very sincere and professional people whom I really estimate and am thankful to for the great help they are giving into my son’s education. Sometimes, you need to express some respect by at the same time practicing hypocrisy due to some specific circumstances, such as your own interests, to protect yourself or because you need to teach some specific values to your children so that they grow up together with those good principles.

As we are talking about hypocrisy, unfortunately I noticed through experience that, in a lot of circumstances, hypocrisy and respect matched with each other and it’s a very sad fact that still exists. A quote in French attracted my attention:

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It’s translated as such: It’s better to honor the spontaneous respect and without bias, and to dishonor the hypocrite and deliberated respect, if the first one focuses on totality and the second one on a minority. Unfortunately I haven’t found anything specific where hypocrisy and respect match together, but within the Mauritian culture, unfortunately they both match together in several ethnicity. There is however an interesting article I have fished where the author demonstrates some tricks to avoid becoming an untrustworthy hypocrite with that extract which is meaningful and seems to explain that hypocrisy and respect can match together in some circumstances:

Every day you’re presented with problems and challenges to overcome, and each decision you make about how to handle them plays a significant role in how the people you rely on to trust you see you. To be seen as a hypocrite is to lose respect and trust from the people you depend on.

If you want to avoid hypocrisy in your own life, and maintain the trust you’ve worked so hard to build, then you’re in luck because much research tells us that there are at least nine different things you can do keep hypocrisy at bay as you navigate the often turbulent waters of life.

Let’s take the example of a teacher and the students, especially a teacher hated by a lot of students and who represents the main subject the students will have to learn for the final exam. I remember that when I was studying in Lycee, I had a stressful Accounts teacher, a French expatriate. Everyone hated him because he was always permanently stressed and bad-tempered. Despite all he was really passionate about his job and his subject and he was an excellent teacher. Despite the students’ hatred for him, that teacher deserved their respect through their discipline and hard work, and I may say that it’s thanks to that teacher that they could graduate.

On whatever I wrote above, there is one quote which confirms the kind of respect on which I totally disagree, especially when it comes on the gap between older and younger generations:

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It’s exactly the kind of respect that Aretha Franklin requests in the lyrics of her 1967 superhit “Respect” where she mentions about the story of a man who is financially pampered by his rich wife, but who asks of being loved and respected in return. And that is why I conclude my concept about respect through the quote below:

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The shelling of the Story of Nativity and its incredible coincidences with Paganism and Ancient Egypt

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As I am a big fan of Ancient Origins, I subscribed myself to a website which is called “Ancient Origins” and I wanted to seize the opportunity of the Christmas festivities to reconstitute the origins of Christmas through a blog post recapitulating several interesting facts that I have found on the origins of Christmas thanks to that website. All of us know that Christmas, for Christians, means the celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ whereas for non Christians, it’s a very special tradition made with Christmas tree, Santa Claus and His Santa Helpers, the arrival of Winter, good food during family meetings, distribution of gifts to your loved ones and especially to children and a special thought especially for the vulnerable society including the poor, the elderly and the disabled among all of them. But do we REALLY know the origins of Christmas? Is Christmas REALLY linked with Jesus Christ’s birth, since there were some sources stipulating that he was not born in December? It would be interesting for us to discover more about the tradition of Christmas. I did several researches on Ancient Origins, and I would like to propose you a recapitulation of some interesting points to remember regarding the Christmas celebration.

It would take me a long expose in that blog to describe Christmas, since there were so many interesting stuffs I discovered in those sites and which I won’t be able to post in one single blog post. This one, for example, turns around the Nativity and the Birth of Jesus Christ, and what we should understand behind it and as per the interpretation of the Holy Bible in comparison with the interpretation of the Ancient Times. if I would like to write that blog post also, it’s because according to some press articles I have discovered thanks to a friend of mine, several countries in Europe banned and removed the traditional Christmas crib, which is a part of the tradition in most of those countries which follow Roman Catholicism. Because of the increasing number of migrants invading those countries and unfortunately applying their own rules instead of respecting and applying the rules of their new homeland, those countries completely turned upside down, mostly by the fault of their government who tolerates those migrants much more than their own citizens. I hope that through that blog post, I can contribute into teaching and reminding to the maximum people the true roots of Christmas and its place within religion, not only within Christianity, but also in all other religions of the world.

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First of all, where do the very first origins of Christmas come from? This article is first of all proposing to us an interesting book to purchase and to read from author Joseph F. Kelly, entitled “The Origins of Christmas”, where we may find some interesting stuffs in other articles about it until we acknowledge containing of that book. In this one for example, a British physician, chose to celebrate Christmas as per the Medieval Times. Here is an extract explaining the importance of the pilgrimage of the Medieval Travelers during Christmas time which is worth to be meditate about: “Pilgrimages were sometimes local affairs, or they could be epic voyages across land and sea. These trips, sometimes dangerous, were taken up as a test of the pilgrim’s faith. Medieval pilgrimages were a way of life, and initially an involved practice that took travelers to Christian sites connected to the life of Jesus—especially Holy Land destinations such as Jerusalem, Nazareth and Bethlehem, some 3,000 miles (4800 kilometers) away from Europe. As time went on, pilgrimages were done closer to home to see relics and places of martyrs and saints, becoming the first holidays (holy days) taken by Medieval people.

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His pilgrimage is very original and completely differentiates from the idea that we all have regarding the nativity. We all know about the Nativity scene described as per the Holy Bible, when Mother Mary gave birth to our Lord Jesus Christ in a manger in Bethlehem. When Jesus was born, there was a shining star in the sky that the Shepherds saw and which was announcing the birth of the Messiah. After Jesus was born, three Kings saw the little angel and bent down in front of Him with precious gifts such as myrrh, cherubim and seraph. This is the scene that is reconstituted every year in most part of Roman Catholic countries.

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However, this article gives a completely different description about that Holy Star, which completely contradicts the Nativity scene that we all know, and considered as the celebration of the Winter Solstice: “Rooted in the cyclical pagan year, Christmas can be linked back to the celebration of the Winter Solstice around December 21st, a time when the night was at its longest, and the coming of the “light” was celebrated and revered. New hope, the Sacred Fire, the Light of the World, all represented the end point of one natural cycle, and beginning of another. The Solstice may have been the longest and darkest of days and nights, but from that point on, there would be more light and the promise of a coming spring.” Another article stipulates about the mystery of that Nativity star. According to the Holy Bible, the star guided the three wise men to the manger where Jesus was born. The Star was in the East Side, whereas the three wise men were taking a South route to Jerusalem. And what was strange was that the Star was guiding the three wise men to the South, whereas it was a star of the East. How could it be? In that article, one paragraph could perhaps explain that phenomenon:

If Matthew’s wise men actually undertook a journey to search for a newborn king, the bright star didn’t guide them; it only told them when to set out. And they wouldn’t have found an infant swaddled in a manger. After all, the baby was already eight months old by the time they decoded the astrological message they believed predicted the birth of a future king. The portent began on April 17 of 6 BC (with the heliacal rising of Jupiter that morning, followed, at noon, by its lunar occultation in the constellation Aries) and lasted until December 19 of 6 BC (when Jupiter stopped moving to the west, stood still briefly, and began moving to the east, as compared with the fixed background stars). By the earliest time the men could have arrived in Bethlehem, the baby Jesus would likely have been at least a toddler.

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What about the birth of Jesus? As per the Holy Bible, Mother Mary was still Virgin when she was pregnant of Jesus Christ, after the Archangel Gabriel came to her and spread a message to Her regarding the birth of the Lord. The word Virgin was always interpreted as someone who never had any sexual intercourse with anyone in the past, including one’s marital partner. However, the paragraphs here-under give a completely different version of the interpretation of the word Virgin, and describe the Mother Mary in a completely different personality, as someone who doesn’t need a lover nor a partner besides her, who is mentally strong and totally independent, in total contrast with the Virgin Mary known in the Christianity:

The greatest misunderstanding in the Virgin Mary’s story comes from a mistake in translation. It is common for translations to be based on former translations and the meaning behind words is often decoded by specialists in specific languages. Moreover, many translations were made of this story based on dictionaries created by specialists in Latin – which is the key to the mystery behind the word ”virgin”.

The word ”virgin” comes from the Latin ”virgo”, which means ”maiden” or a sexually inexperienced woman. This word was the basis for the stories about Mary as a woman who had never had intercourse with a man.

However, historically the term virgin meant ”one-in-herself” – a woman who didn’t need a man. It didn’t necessarily mean that she didn’t have one, however. This interpretation better represents a woman who was independent, financially free, mentally strong, and not overly dependent on her lover or partner.

In ancient times, women were sometimes believed to be very strongly attached or even mentally addicted to their first sexual partner. Therefore, to avoid this problem, an ancient society of the Mediterranean area (and also other parts of the Middle East and Persia) decided to create a custom which became a part of religious ceremonies.

It was once common for women in these locations to go to the temples of Ishtar or Aphrodite, for example, to have sexual intercourse with the priest. They could never meet again, but this act, which was seemingly approved of by the goddess of the temple, allowed the woman to avoid becoming too attached to her lover. The visit in the temple was usually a suggestion given by her family and it was not seen as a betrayal or scandal.

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Another article stipulates another coincidence with the Winter Solstice, alike the case of the Star, assimilating Jesus Christ to the pagan Green Man. Who was that famous Green Man? Here is the answer below from that article about the Pagan myth of the Green Man:

The legend of the Goddess and Green Man then skips to the Vernal Equinox, when the Green Man is ready to finally emerge from the womb of his mother. This is the time when the “male” light equals the “female” darkness, and their male-female polarity fully unites to produce a fresh infusion of life force to cover and fertilize the land. The fetal body of the Green Man is now ready to push out of the womb of his mother Earth in the form of the new tender sprouts of spring. Soon, his annual resurrection will be complete. This will occur on or around the same day as our Easter, a modern holiday associated with the much more recent resurrection of another Son of a virgin. 

The legend of the Green Man then covers the hot summer months, when the Son rapidly matures as the rapidly maturing vegetative growth of nature. He matures so fast, in fact, that the Green Man not only becomes One with his Father in Heaven, but he even mates with and inseminates his own mother. Their co-habitation produces a second infusion of the fructifying life force on Earth and manifests as a second proliferation of vegetation and accompanying harvest. Ultimately, this event would serve to hasten the Green Man’s demise, and soon he would die again with the decaying vegetation and the falling of leaves of autumn. The cause of his death? The sacerdotal interpreters of his legend would later assert that it occurred because of the sins of humanity. It was believed through original sin humanity had given up not only its own right, but the right of all life on Earth, to achieve eternal life.

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The Nativity Scene always represented Jesus as a newborn baby in a manger, surrounded by His parents Joseph and Mary, the donkey Mary was riding, a few animals and the Three Kings. But some sources mentioned that this Nativity scene wasn’t the first one. This article for example revealed the existence of a Nativity Scene which happened 3000 years ago before Jesus’s birth. By coincidence, the Nativity Scene, which was an Egyptian scene and the oldest one of the world, showed the same details that we find in the nativity scene that everyone knows, with a man and a woman surrounding a newborn baby, and a couple of animals around them. However, there were not the Three Kings. What if the nativity scene that everyone knows could have been inspired from that one from Egypt to represent Jesus’s birth? And another coincidence is that after Jesus was born, Joseph and Mary had to seek refuge in Egypt since the King Herod menaced to kill all male children under age of 2 since one of them would be the new Messiah at his place. Is there a link between those two nativities? In that thesis, here is the conclusion formulated by the author regarding the possible link between the Egyptian and Christian nativity scenes, which is worth to be considered:

To ignore in the analysis of the ultimate “King of Kings” these important Egyptian divine-birth scenes – which feature prominently in the human psyche of the time vis-à-vis important rulers – ranks as an egregious error. As are numerous other aspects of Egyptian religion and culture relevant to the study of Christian origins, the Egyptian birth scenes are highly germane to the study of the Christian nativity. The Egyptian religion remained a huge force to be reckoned with by the time of the Christian effort, and it simply would not have been ignored – indeed, it was not.

Prior to the creation of the gospels, the Egyptian religion had long spread far beyond the confines of Egypt, and there were Egyptian tutors at Rome, teaching the religion to emperors during the first century, along with shrines to Egyptian gods in as farflung places as Macedonia and Great Britain. Isis was hugely popular around the Roman Empire at the time, but long previously there had been in Israel Egyptian forces who left vestiges of their worship over the centuries. In a thorough analysis, we need to factor in all of this Egyptian influence and the proximity of this massively impressive culture to the area of the gospel tale.

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Another character who should not be ignored either, the character of Joseph. This article simply describes Joseph as Mary’s husband but the description of his character in that extract is very interesting:

If a type is to be sought in the character of Joseph, it is that of a simple, honest, hard-working, God-fearing man, who was possessed of large sympathies and a warm heart. Strict in the observance of Jewish law and custom, he was yet ready when occasion arose to make these subservient to the greater law of the Spirit. Too practical to possess any deep insight into the Divine mysteries or eternal significance of events which came within his knowledge (compare Luke 2:50), he was quick to make answer to what he perceived to be the direct call of God (compare Matthew 1:24). Originally a “just man” (the King James Version), the natural clemency within his heart prevailed over mere justice, and by the promptings of the Holy Spirit that clemency was transferred into a strong and enduring love (compare Matthew 1:24). Joseph is known to us only as a dim figure in the background of the Gospel narratives, yet his whole-hearted reconciliation to Mary, even in the face of possible slanderings by his neighbors, his complete self-sacrifice, when he left all and fled into Egypt to save the infant Jesus, are indicative that he was not unworthy to fulfill the great trust which was imposed upon him by the Eternal Father.

This character should not be confused with another Joseph featuring in the Old Testament, and who is known for his coat of many colors. By coincidence though, we find in his story another link with Egypt, since in this synopsis, Joseph is described as Jacob’s son and was the only good son of Jacob whereas all his other brothers were rogues. They wanted to get rid of Joseph since he was loyal to their father and always informed his father when his brothers were misbehaving. Joseph was then sent as a slave to Egypt and though being a hardworking and honest person at the service of the Pharaoh, the Pharaoh’s wife fell for Joseph and attracted him, which made the Pharaoh angry and sent Joseph to prison. While in prison, he was having some strange dreams about famine which would ruin Egypt for seven years, since he had seven dreams. Those dreams he had came from the power of his technicolor coat, which had some magical powers, and the Pharaoh decided to give Joseph a second chance thanks to his dream interpretations and to nominate him as a government worker, with the responsibility of storing food for the hard times. The coincidence is that, as well as that Joseph had some strange dreams about famine in Egypt during his exile there, Joseph as husband of Mary also had dreams through archangel Gabriel announcing the birth of the Savior. The second coincidence was that Joseph husband of Mary had to seek refuge in Egypt with Mary during King Herod’s menace of killing all those children under 2, and that they had to wait for King Herod’s death before bringing back Jesus to Israel.

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Here is another detail which should not be forgotten: the fact that Joseph and Mary had no place to stay to deliver the baby. Some interpretations mentioned that everyone rejected them and refused to give them hospitality. However, there is an article which denies that fact and which mentions instead that all homes were too busy to welcome them: To be “turned away” is not really the same as being “rejected.” The inns were full. There wasn’t a value judgment involved on the part of the innkeepers; they simply had no room. I think Luke adds this detail to emphasize the deceptively lowly birth of Jesus. Metaphysically, it suggests that we can’t expect the world around us to acknowledge the birth of Christ awareness in us. In a world busy with its own priorities, a spiritual birth may seem insignificant. But we know how important it is. I’m sure Mary and Joseph felt no sense of rejection or negative judgment. They were grateful and appreciative for the healthy birth. And, as is always the case when we are One with the divine, it happened at the perfect time and place. This explanation is worth being the subject of another debate regarding the difference between to be turned away and to be rejected, and which may be the subject of another blog post later.

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Finally, regarding those three Magi who came to know about Christ’s birth by following the star, there are not really some concrete explanations which could justify their knowledge about Jesus’s birth. But the article here shows us a very good lesson about those Wise Men. Here is an extract which is worth to be explained about them:

With these prophesies now fulfilled, it is easy for us to look back and understand the Scripture that revealed Jesus’ time and place of birth.  However, we know that hindsight is always clearer than foresight, so it causes us to wonder how the Wise Men/Magi could have understood the prophecies. 

The Bible does not explicitly tell us, but it is clear that the wise men did understand them well enough to know to follow “His star” and to believe that this Child was the promised King of the Jews (the Promised Messiah).  Perhaps Daniel had opened the Scriptures to the magi of his time.  Perhaps through the Scriptures and Daniel’s testimony, these men came to fear the Lord and we know that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov 1:7) and “the beginning of wisdom” (Prov 9:10).  This “fear” is a reverence, respect, and trust of the Lord and His revealed will.

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The conclusion of that article is also worth to be considered and meditated about: The Christmas lesson that we can learn from the Wise Men/Magi is that we, too, must trust in what God has said in His Word.  He gives us wisdom, just as He gave it to the Magi.  The Magi were Wise Men who believed God and His Word and acted accordingly.  Christmas is a wonderful time to reflect on the greatest gift God gave to mankind when He sent His son into the world.  It is a great time to examine our hearts and ask ourselves if we are wise men?  Before the Christmas celebration, I remember I shared a Christmas greeting to a friend of mine, who is at the Head of a local NGO in my country, and who very often organizes some charity activities. Among them, they regularly organize distribution of clothes to the poor, and when I wished him Merry Christmas, I assimilated the act of kindness and generosity of his NGO members to the one of the Three Wise Men towards Jesus, since thanks to their generosity, Jesus became a Master for the Universe, and that regarding that NGO, through their same generosity towards the poor, they can rise today a next Messiah for our country, why not?

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In conclusion, even though there are links of those Nativity scenes connected with Paganism and Ancient Egypt, it’s a proof that everything connects, and the sole message behind those connections is that regardless to the times, culture, religion or era, at any time a Messiah can take birth and be an inspiration for the world, thanks to the sharing and caring he or she will be given by some generous people of different walks of life. My friend posted something very interesting on his social platforms: Happy Birthday Atal Bihari Vajpayee, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, Isaac Newton and of course, Jesus. Merry Christmas. I’m thankful to my friend for having posted that on his wall. Everyone knows about Jesus, but what about those other people? Atal Bihari Vajpayee, who is India’s Former Prime Minister and who turned 93 years old this year, was known for having brought 5 major changes in India, which include the construction of roads connecting Chennai, Kolkata, Delhi and Mumbai and known as the Golden Quadrilateral, for the Reining of the Fiscal profligacy, the Telecom revolution, the Sharva Shiksha Abhiyan which was a social scheme to promote education for non scholarised children and the privatisation of some sectors. Muhammad Ali Jinnah was the founder of Pakistan and this article describes his greatest achievement of having found the nation of Pakistan: The political insight and wisdom that the Quaid demonstrated in achieving a homeland on the argument of Muslims being a separate nation has yet to be fully grasped. In this regard, I have yet to come across a more comprehensive tribute to the Quaid’s visionary leadership than what renowned historian Stanley Wolpert wrote in his famous book ‘Jinnah of Pakistan’: “Few individuals significantly alter the course of history. Fewer still modify the map of the world. Hardly anyone can be credited with creating a nation-state. Mohammad Ali Jinnah did all three.” Sir Isaac Newton was a key figure into the Scientific Revolution, which is described in Wikipedia as “a concept used by historians to describe the emergence of modern science during the early modern period, when developments in mathematicsphysicsastronomybiology (including human anatomy) and chemistry transformed the views of society about nature.” Sir Isaac Newton was especially known for his law of gravitation stating that “a particle attracts every other particle in the universe using a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between their centers.” What is very interesting is that those four people were born on 25th December, though some statements still cannot retrace if Jesus Christ was exactly born on the 25th December, but what those four people have in common is that they are all four strong change makers and sources of inspiration for the world according to their respective achievements, all of them coming from different eras of time. Who knows if they are incarnations of each other as well? Unfortunately no sources stipulate about that possibility, but one thing is sure, they made of the 25th December a very special day for the world as true visionaries of our humanity.

Here are the true reasons why I chose to write under a pseudonym instead of my real name

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I never thought about having the idea of writing that blog post today, but I would like to thank someone very special for having given me so many inspiration a couple of days earlier to write it, with a very particular trait though: This person is a HATER, the second one whom I am facing since my LinkedIn profile Ekasringa Avatar exists, since the first one was a compatriot of mine, an arrogant woman (she doesn’t even deserve I call her a lady!) who thought that because she is living overseas, she can do whatever she wants and auto-proclaim herself for someone she isn’t in her own country; this is one of the kind of people that I truly hate and I didn’t hesitate, at a moment, to humiliate her publicly on LinkedIn before blocking her forever (yes, I can be very infernal and cruel when my limit is reached and that I cannot bear it anymore with that kind of people!). Unfortunately, I don’t have the full history of that conversation with my second hater, since I deleted it, but I regret I didn’t think about restoring it or archiving it. This person doesn’t know me at all and was just someone who visited my profile. Usually, each time that I have a new visitor visiting my LinkedIn profile, I receive a notification, and I invite him or her to be part of my network, even though there is no direct interaction with the person. I admit that I still am part of those people who judge on quantity instead of quality of the people whom I connect with, even though I passed through so many experiences which knocked me down about people, but I don’t care, since my profile is an open door to anyone of all sorts of walks of life, and not only writers, editors, translators nor anyone who would be part of the literary world I belong to, and who would like to know more about me. For the moment, apart that compatriot of mine who came to know whom she would have affair with after the way I put her back at her place on that day, I didn’t have any major problems with anyone, but I haven’t been at all prepared to that kind of sarcasm from a newly added contact. Even though I don’t have the history of the “conversation” we had (if we can call that a conversation indeed!), here is an extract of the way he sent me the message, exactly as it appears in my gmail:

Thanks for the invitation Ekasringa, good to be connected (please be informed that your real identity is hidden which is of course a problem, and, you have a Black Nobility black horse – maybe the… see more

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First of all, that person is stipulating that my real identity is hidden and that it’s a problem according to him. I remember that a few people asked me why I don’t post my own profile picture and why I don’t put my real name, and instead a pseudonym. Frankly speaking, I don’t see at all what’s wrong with it, nor how I am disturbing all those people because I chose to hide my true identity and put a pseudonym. I am not the only one who chose to do this, and there are so many of my contacts who appear also under a pseudonym, and that never disturbed me at all. There are also so many singers and actors who chose to launch their career under a pseudonym instead of their true name, so why wouldn’t I have that same right too as an aspiring author? I haven’t created that LinkedIn profile in the aim of receiving opportunities for my career or to find a job, but only to allow to the maximum people who would visit my profile sooner or later a clue of my own personality and of all my interests which you will all retrieve through all the posts that I like, share, comment and publish on my LinkedIn, and also through all the articles I write and publish on WordPress and in all my social platforms. I also am on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr and Google+, and the stuffs that I share on my other social platforms already should give to my visitors and followers a clue of my personality and of several things on which I am interested. As an aspiring writer, it’s my duty to have a career based on an open mind, which would allow me to discover the world in a new way which is proper to me and which may totally or partially different from the way other people see it, since I don’t want to be a blind follower for anyone. The reason also why I chose to launch my career under a pseudonym instead of my own name is a choice that I personally made for myself, since I would like my pseudonym to be a brand one day, not only for the work that I am already doing on my blog, but also a brand for other projects that I wish one day I will be able to do, and which are childhood dreams I would like to concrete after so many years of incertitude with myself, since at 37 years old I decided to make of that age, as well of year 2017, a year of challenge for me, where I would like to do things I could never do before, and not allow my own sacrifices and responsibilities as a spouse, housewife and mother banning me from the dreams I want to create as long as I will be alive. In another blog post, I will explain in more details which of those dreams I would like to concrete in addition to all the work dedicated to that blog. Another reason explaining why I chose a pseudonym is that, as a spouse and a mother, through all my past experiences, I have been taught a very tough life lesson that I need to apply if I really want things to be balanced: I need to keep my real identity only for all the things that I do out of what I represent as Ekasringa Avatar, and which is the series of daily chores and routine of my day-to-day life as a mother, a spouse, a daughter-in-law, a neighbor in my locality, a simple citizen in my country and a simple expatriate in the country I live in. I don’t want to become a fame, since I want to lead an ordinary life like everyone, with only the hope to earn money through my blog and through my projects as Ekasringa Avatar, not to become a millionaire, not either to help my husband in the expenses for the household, nor for our child’s education, but simply to have my freedom and my dignity as a woman. My mother-in-law’s words always sound loud in my mind, since she always wanted me to work from home to avoid my husband spending money for me too, since life in general is becoming more expensive and that I can be completely independent, and at the same time remove a burden from my husband’s shoulders, since he is the only bread holder of the family. My pseudonym Ekasringa Avatar, I keep it only for my social platforms on the net and for my blog, even though all the stuffs I shared on my LinkedIn profile regarding my qualifications and professional experiences are real and the dates also are real. I also did a few researches regarding some writers who wrote under pen names and pseudonyms which were different from their true identity. In this article for example, some writers used pen names for different reasons linked with family and from society. Voltaire for example, whose real name is Francois-Marie Arouet, chose the nickname Voltaire to move away from his past, from his family and since some of his writings were against the government. This article also stipulates six good reasons why some writers write under a different pen name, and that extract suits my reasons mostly:

Your Real Name

Imagine your real name is Stephen King, Nora Roberts, or Ron Hubbard. Anyone picking up a book that you write is going to have a lot of certain expectations about the words inside. You know you’re not the next Stephen King, but if reading his books has sparked an interest in horror novels, will have to publish under another name to be taken seriously. Other names are so common that it’s hard to tell them apart. Her name is John Doe, Jim Smith, Sue Jones, or one of hundreds of other similar names, pen name may be the only way you can set yourself above the crowd. When you publish a book, you wanted to be memorable. If your name fades into the background, it will be hard for readers to remember you the next time they look for a book.

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Now let’s come on the fact that I have put a black horse as a profile picture. First of all, let me tell that Mister Hater that it’s not a HORSE but a UNICORN which is represented as a profile picture. That Unicorn was a temporary tattoo that I made on my hand one day while I was at the shopping mall with my family, but which unfortunately didn’t last long on my skin since it was removed with water and soap a couple of hours later while I was under the shower. But I am very happy I could keep a souvenir of that tattoo through that picture. What makes me laughing also is when he said that it was the Black Nobility black horse. Curious, since I never thought about it and since for me, the Horse always represented something positive, since as a Hindu, I worship Lord Vishnu who is the conservator and the second God of the Hindu Trilogy after Brahma the Creator and before Shiva the Destroyer. In Hinduism, some of the Gods also appear in different avatars, and one of the avatars of Lord Vishnu is the Horse Head God Hayagriva, whose I wrote more details about Him in that blog post. For me, regardless to the color of the horse, however it may be of an immaculate white like Pegasus as well as pure Ebony like the horse Black Beauty like in the movie dated 1994 having the same name, a horse is a horse and still represents the conquering of the man. Regarding the Black Nobility, that was TOTALLY NEWS for me to hear such an expression, and as I am curious, I did some researches and found an article for which the first sentence completely shocked me, mentioning that, I quote, “These people earned the title of “Black” nobility from their ruthless lack of scruple. They employed murder, rape, kidnapping, assassination, robbery, and all manner of deceit on a grand scale, brooking no opposition to attaining their objectives. These all have immense wealth. And money is power.” I cannot help myself smiling, because there again, that hater, whom I never heard about before and innocently added on my list of contacts since I noticed he visited my profile, really lost his head and accused me of something which is completely wrong and which is completely news for me since I never heard about the Black Nobility before. Then, he assimilated the Black Horse as the symbol of the Black Nobility. According to my researches, I saw that extract from an ebook entitled “They didn’t Listen, they didn’t Know How” from Olwen Davies where the Black Horse was effectively described as the symbol of the Black Nobility since it represented the symbol of Banking called the Lloyd’s Black Horse, and I saw that the author partly assimilated that symbol as well with the Freemasonry. But since I am not familiar with the world of banking, I didn’t get along for a long time on those details, but another article interested me more, the symbol of the black horse being the symbol of “Mystery, death, night, secret, messenger of esoteric knowledge” for which I linked that article mostly linked with Hinduism, since it’s mostly linked with my religion. The last part of the black horse being the messenger of the esoteric knowledge interested me a lot and I admit that it’s applicable to me as well. I have had so many interesting discussions about esoteric knowledge with a British French friend of mine on a lot of mysteries and secrets which are still being unfolded and which concern the concept of our universe and spirituality, and which I may write about very soon.

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But here, even though I opened a bracket about the Black Nobility and the Black Horse, I would like to tell to that imbecile that those explanations have absolutely NO LINK with me and that he was completely out of subject. He should have done some researches about my name before insulting me, and if he did his researches properly, even though most of his researches will stipulate that it’s the name of an equestrian circus team from Quebec in Canada, he would also have seen the ancient scriptures from the Indus Valley and do more researches about the legend of the sage Rishyasringa, who was born with a horn on the forehead. But instead, that imbecile had a first impression which had nothing to do with my image nor with what I want to share to my followers through all the things that I do and that I write as Ekasringa Avatar. Nonetheless, I have shelled a few extracts on Google regarding the meaning of the Black Unicorn featuring as my cover picture, and I have discovered a lot of interesting things where I retrieved myself:

“The Black Unicorn is a collection of poems by a woman who, Adrienne Rich writes, “for the complexity of her vision, for her moral courage and the catalytic passion of her language, has already become, for many, an indispensable poet.” (Source: The Black Unicorn | W. W. Norton & Company)

“The way that I understand it, unicorns symbolize the spirit of purity, innocence, and childhood. Almost every traditional legend containing the unicorn states that only a young pure female could attract a unicorn to become visible and be of this reality.” (Source: The Meaning of Unicorns)

“Unicorns are unique, mystical, peaceful, and serene animals. Some unicorn tattoos show a cross between a unicorn and a Pegasus (winged horse). At its core, the symbolism of a unicorn tattoo is a message of innocence, purity of heart, kindness, healing, perfection, and peace.” (Source: Fantasy Tattoo Symbolism | Underground Ink CNY)

“The black unicorn is associated with power to overcome all the barriers that you meet in your way of perfect life. You are riding on, walking or flying with an unicorn in the dream – Means that you are tired because of the worries or hard work, or painful experiences.” (Source: Unicorn dream meaning – Dreams Nest)

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Another blog post will also be written soon, since I discovered an article on the Black Unicorn Apparition, since it made me thinking especially about the Gods’ and Saints’ skin color, some as dark skinned and some as fair skinned.

I apologize for having been bulky in that blog post, but I am very happy I could write all those lines and do all those researches, and I would like from the bottom of my heart, to thank that new frenemy of mine to have allowed me to write that blog post, though he blocked me from his list after I have put him back at his place for his sarcasm against me. I wish though I had kept that conversation to share it with you, but I think the first words of his message were more than enough to prove his dumbness and that he was completely out of subject, though he awoke my curiosity as usual 🙂

ADHD… My daily struggle… My reason of fighting for success!

Hello everyone,

First of all I sincerely apologize for having been absent for such a long moment. I know that it’s been so many months that I haven’t written anything. And what is funny is that I didn’t lack inspiration at all. I had so many ideas, so many interesting subjects to develop and on which I had so much to write and to do researches about. I had discovered so many interesting articles through all my social platforms, through my husband’s Facebook account and through Internet research. I also had a lot of constructive conversations with some of my regular pals and relatives on which I wanted to get inspired to write things. I also found inspiration through some interesting personalities I have had the opportunity to discover via the web and via my social platforms. However, as crazy as it could sound, I haven’t written at all for months. It had nothing to do with the fact that I had a lot of responsibilities to achieve with my family, such as my son’s welfare and education, his scholarship, the time I have to spend with the house chores, cooking and with my family, the holiday plannings we had to go through during my son’s summer holidays, etc. I could very well, in a normal situation, afford all those situations perfectly and find time for myself to keep on completing my blog. But it wasn’t, and to be honest, it’s still not being the case. A couple of weeks later I came to discover that something was wrong with me and that it was time for me to reveal today the dark secret that represents a dangerous boundary to my writing skills and my capacities of using my personal skills, as well for my writing as for my daily responsibilities. And what is crazy is that I didn’t even need to look for a specialist to proceed with an assessment about my actual situation. Some online assessments were more than enough to reveal that dark secret of my personality. I hesitated a lot about revealing it publicly for a very long time. But this morning I had the courage to break the bundles and that heavy silence to reveal it once for all, because I have passed through very tough moments of mental breakdowns and even felt very depressive at times because of that. I also decided today to reveal it openly, because I came to understand that this could be an explanation to my actual situation, and I decided through my projects not to make of it anymore an excuse for letting it go, but as a challenge for myself to recover and to prove to myself and to the whole world that I am stronger than I think and that I can destroy that dark secret since I already have the necessary weapons with me to destroy it. That dark secret is that I suffer from a mental disorder, which I came to discover unfortunately very late in my life, but which started developing through my first years between the middle of my teenage years and the beginning of my adulthood years when I left secondary school, and on which I took conscience of its existence too late and only a couple of months ago: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, shortly known as ADHD.

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I downloaded an application on my mobile from Google Play, “Aware”, which contains a series of questionnaires about several types of mental disorders that medically exist. I answered to all of them, but what was crazy was that despite the results that I obtained in percentage, the explanations that I obtained through deeper researches didn’t match at all with the results I obtained, since I didn’t recognize myself in any of those mental disorders though I admit I had some symptoms of them. However, only the researches that I made on ADHD perfectly matched with my personal problem. To start, here is the first definition I obtained from that application on my mental situation: ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, is a medical condition that affects how well someone can sit still, focus and pay attention. People with ADHD have differences in the parts of their brains that control attention and activity. This means that they may have trouble focusing on some tasks and subjects.

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ADHD was and still is unfortunately the cause behind a series of so many fights that I have had with my husband because of my indiscipline behavior which is actually endangering my marital life and even the example that I am giving to our own child, who is actually suffering with Autism Spectrum Disorder. All started on a specific evening, during which I had a big fight with my husband because we came back home very late from the swimming pool, my son and me, and my husband was very angry at me for not having properly managed the time that I would let my son going to the swimming pool. I tried to keep calm and to reassure him that I was sorry and that I would be more careful next time, whereas in the contrary, I am used to scream a lot and to create a lot of havoc each time that my husband disagrees with me, whether he may be right or wrong. Instead of calming down, my husband continued again and again making moral lessons to me, all this because according to him, he noticed that all the time I repeat that I will be careful, but afterwards, I do all the contrary and I don’t manage my time properly. Another thing on which I am extremely terrified with my husband is that I don’t know whether I should tell him yes and obey, or say no and walk as per my own way. If I say yes, I very often tend to do all the contrary of what he expects from me, because I say yes either because I am afraid of his reactions, or only so that my husband would leave me alone. And if I say no, instead of appreciating my honesty, my husband keeps on being angry after me, and because of that, I don’t know even what to do and I am feeling completely lost. This is what I told him on that famous evening, but he refused to understand, and at a moment, fearing a violent reaction from me again, he went out with our son until things would calm down, leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

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I was having dinner, but my mind was completely absent though I was physically there. I could hear a soft voice talking to me in my mind. That gentle voice sounded like a female voice, which was as kind, soft and sweet as an angel’s voice. This voice was reassuring me that, compared to 12 years ago when I just got married, I have made a lot of progresses in life, since I am now able to manage the household, the house chores, my involvement into my child’s education including his extra activities and socialization, cooking good food, writing lots of strong material, cultivating myself etc. However, that voice confirmed that there was a big mental disorder within me and that I had to urgently follow a therapy, because it was a disorder which was unfortunately disturbing a lot of things within me and badly disturbing the marital relationship I cultivate with my husband since 12 years and with my child since 6 years.

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A couple of years ago, when I still had a Facebook account, there was a Moroccan pal on my Facebook list who mentioned to me that she was suffering with ADHD. I didn’t really pay attention to her disease and thought that it didn’t concern me. But when I did some researches about that disorder, even though I started having some doubts a couple of months ago that I could be concerned about ADHD too, almost all the symptoms which were described in that disorder confirmed exactly what I feared… And yes, the results of my researches proved them all: I have ADHD and at a quite high level as it covers almost all the symptoms that I actually am suffering from!

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When my husband and my son came home, I burst in tears and I mentioned to them the nature of my problem, which was something that I suspected suffering from since a couple of months, but for which I didn’t really pay attention. Either I didn’t want to accept that I had the problem, or I accepted that I had the problem but I feared any negative reaction from my husband, especially misunderstanding. And effectively, my husband refused to believe me and I begged him to pay attention to the symptoms, through some articles that I have shared with him, and which I hope he will find time to read during his day. Today unfortunately, my husband still ignores the symptoms since he didn’t have time to consult the articles that I shared with him, and which make that I need to talk about my symptoms with him myself. However he believes in me now that he knows that I am really suffering but unfortunately he cannot do anything for me. The trouble also is that here, the treatments are very expensive and are not covered by the insurance, which makes that I need to deal with it on my own.

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Here are the difficulties I face everyday and which represent signs that I have ADHD, and which are within my personality:

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Follow directions: I agree because I have a very weak sense of orientation wherever I go and I get easily lost, especially in big spaces like big shopping malls. One day in South Africa, while I was on holidays with my folks and my husband, and some other days in shopping malls here, I got lost since I don’t have the sense of orientation. But the latest episode was the worst one! On that day I was mentally very down after my husband and I got extremely angry against our young son, who misbehaved a lot on that day at the shopping mall. We stopped at a cafe for a hot drink before going back to our car with our shopping bags, but at a moment my husband asked my son to come with him until I would finish my hot drink. I saw them going away, but I cannot understand what could have happened in my mind on that day, since I didn’t even pay attention wherever they were going. I was no more sure if they were going to the parking or somewhere else and I retrieved myself in a big moment of confusion and total loss. The worst was that I didn’t have any communication facility with me since my mobile battery was completely down, as I forgot to recharge it before leaving the house. At a moment my husband and my son were totally out of sight and the first thing that came out of my mind was that maybe they were on their way to the parking. As we always park our car to the same location all the time, I could easily find my way to the car. But at my biggest surprise, they were not there and then I started to panic heavily! I came back on my footsteps and begged a staff from a furniture shop to lend me his mobile number since I needed to call my husband in emergency. He dialed my husband’s number and then I could contact him. By coincidence my husband also was panicking since he didn’t find me, and asked me with a panicking voice where I was. Then when I explained him my location he asked me not to move from my actual location and to wait for him. Then, when he got closer he called me back on the gentleman’s mobile number and then I joined him. We were all reassured to retrieve each other and I explained him in which state of mind I was and how my son’s misbehavior stressed me to the core.

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Remember information: Yes, so many times I forget a lot of essential things, and I must always note them down to remember them properly. I noticed that when I make a planning such as the list of stuffs to buy at the groceries, or the dates I menstruated or forgot to take some pills, etc, I feel better organized than when I use only my head. But I tend to plan things only on specific days or for specific events or lists to do only and it really works. But when it comes on ordinary routine days I never feel the motivation to do it and it unfortunately plays against me.

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Concentrate: Yes I easily get distracted and face huge problems of concentration, however it may be in my chores and daily do’s, or with music. I can be easily distracted when I hear again and again my favorite song or watch my favorite movie or serial on laptop or TV, and also it’s dangerous since I don’t care whether there is my son waiting for me or, even though it almost didn’t happen in the past, forgetting something being cooked on the oven! I also get very easily distracted when I see babies in front of me.

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Organize tasks: Yes I am extremely disorganized, I admit it. I include too many “dead times” in my agenda because I don’t know why, but I LOVE wasting time with social networking, with doing researches on the internet, with reading and writing, which represent a passion for me that I cannot help but cultivating. It became a drug for me since it’s my biggest refuge where I forget all my problems and overcome all my sorrows much better, including when I write constructive emails with my best friend, who is a British French author, writer, traveler and coach whom I acknowledged on LinkedIn. Also, my house chores, looking after my son, cooking food, all the tasks that any responsible housewife and mother should do, turns now into a nightmare for me, because I don’t want to do those chores and want to be totally free! Yes I know it sounds weird, but this is the impression I always had.

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Finish work on time: Yes I have difficulties finishing work on time, for the same reasons regarding concentration and organization problems that I face everyday, and I very often tend to finish all my tasks at the last minute before my husband comes home or before I go out with my son to the shopping mall or to the swimming pool. When I finish my tasks early, I feel strange because this is not me, and when I finish my task late, I feel stressed and guilty, because in reality, I don’t do my daily chores with pleasure, but rather with fear of facing an avalanche of reproaches and sarcastic remarks from my husband, who is straight-minded, down to earth and extremely well organized, all the contrary of me who is messy, forgetful and dreamy…
The article that I found also lists a series of challenges that I have to face with Adult ADHD:

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Anxiety: Yes, I am all the time anxious, because my anxiety mostly refers to all the traumatic experiences I have been having with my family, in-laws, in my marriage, in society, in the work environment and with a lot of fake friends who abused of me.

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Chronic boredom: Yes I admit it, I get bored very easily when I see that I face situations which are starting to become repetitive too often. I am actually bored because all my days are all the same with the chores, cooking, visiting the same places, travelling in the same countries all the time between Mauritius and France because of my husband’s family, meeting all the time the same people, etc. I have right now within me that anger for constant change and for discovering new things and that is why I am bored in life.

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Chronic lateness and forgetfulness: This confirms exactly the same problem I mentioned previously regarding my problems of concentration, organization and having my tasks finished on time. I always have the temptation about finishing everything at the very last hour and at the end I feel unsatisfied for having lost so much time uselessly, thinking that the next day it would be better. Unfortunately it restarts again and again and I don’t know what to do.

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Depression: Yes. I have faced very severe depression, especially in 2003 when I had faced a very bad working experience with one of my ex-bosses who was an asshole. I faced the same problem in 2007 further to a huge fight between my parents and my in-laws, and which still remains unsolved and forced me to cut total contact with my parents, even though my parents had unfortunately a part of right which I had to accept within the time. I also faced the same problem in 2011 after the birth of my unique child, since I have been suffering from post natal depression and have been raising my child in a very insane environment at my in-laws place, where I was all the time bullied and mistreated by all my in-laws and by even my husband and some of our closest friends who unfortunately gave me up in those moments where I needed them the most.

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Trouble concentrating while reading: Yes so many times it happened to me, especially if my mind was elsewhere than with my book reading or while I am writing, for example in situations where my son was with me and that I had to have an eye on him, for example at the swimming pool or at the playroom in the shopping mall.

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Trouble controlling anger: It started especially in 2014 while I was still in Seychelles, since I started breaking years and years of silent suffering caused by the brutal separation between my parents and my in-laws, the injustice that I had to face because of that separation, the bullying I faced with my in-laws because of my parents, the discrimination they were doing by starting to favor my sister-in-law and rejecting me because of my parents, finding my sister-in-law the perfect daughter-in-law of the family and me the incomplete one, dis-balance in my marriage life since we came back from the peaceful life we were living in Madagascar and retrieved ourselves into a huge tornado when we came back to Mauritius further to the socio political crisis of 2009 with problems of re-adaptation, family pressure from both sides since I was not talking to my mother anymore, over-pressure from my in-laws who were extremely exigent with me since I had no experience as a housewife, medical treatments I was following to be pregnant and to fight against severe endometriosis to be able to infant, the trauma of the experience I had with my in-laws after my son was born, the numerous times that my in-laws interfered, and this I admit with my own consent since I was so stupid and naive during that period, between me and my son, depriving me of my right to be a mother, 8 changes of home, 3 changes of countries and culture, difficulties to cope with my son’s education, the big aggressiveness that started developing within me and which didn’t exist in the past in my temperament, where very often I lost my temper and started screaming like a wild animal when I was angry, until it traumatized my poor little son, and for crowning the whole story, my poor child starting to develop signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder and who was diagnosed when we arrived in our new homeland! But to be honest, I arrived at a point where I didn’t want to overcome my anger because I have been controlling my angers for a too long time. I still have that angry demon within me who wants to rebel and to push me destroying my enemies in the same way Hindu Goddess Kali does to destroy enmity. But little by little I am slowly learning that anger will never change anything apart making things worse and making me stooping lower.

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Problems at work: The trouble was that I had to start working when I came back to Mauritius. I never wanted to do any studies in the tertiary sector. I wanted to have full academic qualifications in Literature and creative writing. Unfortunately, after I finished the Brevet des Colleges in 1995, my level started degrading, and the biggest factor behind it was my mother, who was over-pressurizing me a lot in my home work and who was bullying and terrorizing me a lot, at such a point that I started loosing confidence within my own capacities and doubting a lot about myself because of her. When I finished the Brevet des Colleges, I started a new school year named Seconde Amenagee, which is a special program on 2 years for students facing school difficulties. As from that moment, I had the courage to tell my mother that I didn’t want her anymore to help me in my homework and that I will manage alone. Unfortunately, when I finished my Seconde Amenagee, I had choices only with doing a Baccalaureate Action et Communication Commerciale, or a Baccalaureat Comptabilite et Gestion, and I chose the second option. Unfortunately, when I started my Premiere, I had to repeat it again because I had difficulties with the Comptabilite et Gestion and started too late taking tuitions with a school teacher. But when I repeated the class, then I continued my tuition with her for the two forthcoming years and that was of great help for me, even though I only had the mention “Satisfactory” for my Baccalaureate. I continued also studying as I applied for a BTS Assistant de Gestion PME PMI in Mauritius, since I didn’t want to leave the country to go to France. I was scared to go to France, since my godmother, who was also my patriarchal half-sister, went to study medicine there, but was bullied so much by my matriarchal family who was living in France that she couldn’t survive the overpressure and she died at only 26 years old after having been graduated and after having been engaged to a French doctor there. Moreover, my mother was obsessed by having me married to a French guy since she was always obsessed with White people and fair skinned people, and God knows how I succeeded into resisting to all that pressure though very often I cried alone in my room and was extremely nervous and even turned anorexic. My marriage with my husband unfortunately didn’t arrange anything since my husband never matched with the kind of son-in-law my mother wanted to have in her life, as he didn’t satisfy her ego at all. And when I was in Madagascar, even though the Malagasy work environment was based mostly on the French curriculum, and though I could obtained my BTS though my average note for the final exam was 10 out of 20, which represented the big minimum I could obtain for obtaining my BTS, I had a lot of difficulties to assume my professional capacities, and my working competence was average in some sectors, and very poor and unproductive in some other sectors which I failed into understanding. Also I completely stopped working for that company though I was at home doing some administrative tasks for a friend, and I involved myself in Mauritius into a very dishonest chain of distribution for which I have lost a lot of money. My professional experience unfortunately was very unsuccessful even though my colleagues appreciated a lot my personality, and with a lot of retreat, I came to understand that I was never made for that kind of job, but that my job was much more for literature and creative writing. I am taking all my chances with me to restart everything from scratch, but it’s hard for me to do so with a child and a household under my responsibility and I fail into knowing how to manage my time and fight against ADHD.

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Impulsiveness: Same problem as for trouble controlling anger, since all the anger that I have been containing after so many years of silence is already emerging from me. But that image that I added attracted my attention for its subtitle “The good, the bad and the awesome”. How could impulsiveness be something good, bad and awesome at the same time? I was then referred to an article linked with that picture, where the author of that article related about an impulsiveness experience that he had lived. He judged impulsiveness as something “Good” first, since it’s a possibility for one individual to express enthusiasm when he or she has new ideas being structured. Impulsiveness can also be bad since it’s impossible to stick on the same things all the time when you work on a project or when you plan something for your own or with your loved ones. And this happened to me and is still happening to me so many times. The trouble with me is that I hate when plans made together change every 5 minutes and unexpectedly. This was exactly what happened each time that I planned to meet my best friend a couple of months ago in Paris, since my husband’s uncle and my son were constantly making us changing our plans, my uncle due to unexpected events which he tended to impose on our schedule, and my son due to his childish behaviour and requests. When it comes on such unexpected stuffs coming from other people I can feel extremely irritated and pissed off, since I hate last minute changes and always failed to deal with them calmly. But when it comes about unexpected changes coming directly from me, then I am more flexible and tolerant. Finally, as the author said, impulsiveness can be something awesome, and for this we have to make it awesome ourselves. In his article, the author gave some interesting advice based on his motto that he shared with us: we use the good, cut out the bad, and therefore make it awesome.

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Low tolerance for frustration: I never really knew what it meant until I saw the explanation above, but yes definitely, I am somebody very frustrated with my own life when I think about all the failures I accumulated, the big mistakes that I did in my life, the numerous times I failed into taking opportunities which were presented in front of me because I was afraid or couldn’t afford them, the numerous failures I faced with my insane parents, my insane family and with some of my in-laws, but which suddenly turned into a will for me to restart everything from scratch for better succeeding in life and being happy doing a career that I want to do and which would allow me finding a better balance in my life.

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Low self-esteem: Yes, for the same reasons as for low tolerance and frustration, and so many times I really hate myself for what I am, for having become what others want me to be and for not being what I really wanted to become. And yet, so many times I feel that I am awesome and wonderful, and so many times I tried to fall again in love with myself. But those moments never happened in reality but only in my imagination. I imagined myself in front of my mirror as a successful writer in prom dress receiving a prize for her best sellers. I very often imagined myself as a talented musician, since I always cultivated passion for percussion and violin, and dressed all in red, my favorite color. I imagined myself also as a rock singer in black leather boots and sexy mini dress, singing with a cymbal in my hand in front of so many of my loved ones. But when reality comes back into my mind, I feel completely different, stupid and ugly, though I know that I have so many skills to shine in my life. This low self-esteem unfortunately is a result from my tumultuous past because of my parents, who never saw the best in me, who always saw the ugly in me and who were narcissistic, egocentric sociopaths who raised me as a golden child and thanks to whom I always have the feeling of being a huge failure for everyone, starting with myself and my little family. If you want to have a clue of what a golden child is, here is a picture below, and which proves that being a golden child is NOT a position to envy and that it’s a very difficult family educational disorder from which you can recover:

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Mood swings: Yes, I have very often mood swings, since I can be very happy and in a fraction of second I can turn to be like hell, or extremely peevish without any concrete reason.

Poor organization skills: Same thing as I said previously with problems of concentration and organization.

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Procrastination and self-harm: I do it since I am a child, by biting and breaking my nails and finger skin very regularly. But this is not all of it. I tend to waste a lot of time and always have the impression that all what I am doing is lasting for an eternity, including tasks that I can do only within 5 minutes. I also face stress disorder, because I always feel pressurized by my husband and still feel the effect of the over-pressure that I have passed through with my parents and even with my in-laws even though things changed drastically and improved by my side, and even though I live on my own with my husband and my son. I admit that I think about too many things at the same time and in a very disordered way, and that I often feel lack of energy for doing the most simple things in life. I admit that I have big trouble in focusing on the most important aspects of my life and for the welfare of my child. Finally, I admit that I very often face muscle tensions, especially at the shoulders during the massage sessions, and sometimes have headache. I admit that I cover all those ADHD symptoms regarding procastination, such as Daydreaming since I love dreaming a lot and have a huge sense of imagination as an aspiring writer to be. I accept that I very often tend to forget or to loose things without even realizing it when it comes on loosing things. It recently happened since I never retrieved a book bag belonging to my son, which made that I had to pay a penalty with the school library, since the book bag contained two library books that my son borrowed from there. It also happened that a new pink shirt that my husband bought in shopping mall a couple of months ago after our settlement in my new homeland, and which I never washed before, completely disappeared without me realizing it. Yes I admit that I make a lot of careless mistakes or take unsafe risks. An example of taking unsafe risks is that I very often let my son pedaling his bicycle on the edge of the road even though there are cars coming and going, and even though I always have a close eye on him. Another example that I do careless mistakes is that I repetitively, and very often on purpose I admit it, never have the notion of time when I go out with my son, or that I always use the wrong cloth to clean the kitchen, since I take the cloth used to dry the dishes instead of a cleaning cloth! Squirming, I don’t know whether I used to squirm, but I very often talk alone and have flappy hands and fingers when I turn nervous. Fidgeting, however, happens to me very often with my hair or with my fingers. I also faced some symptoms of depression so many times, where I wanted to commit suicide or to die. It happened at so many moments of my life where I was deeply desperate with myself and wanted to put an end to my life to meet my deceased half-sister in another world… I even remember that one year after the big fight between my parents and my in-laws, I wanted to put an end in my life by jumping from upstairs when I arrived at my office, and my husband was unable to understand what was really happening to me. I very often also had appetite and weight loss, which turned into anorexia, especially when I was in Madagascar during a period I was deeply down after the fight between my parents and my in-laws, several years which followed my son’s birth while I was in Seychelles, during which my husband and I were having a lot of fights and that my in-laws were over-invading our house with their visits and caprices, especially my father in law and my husband’s uncle from Paris, who is a very possessive and emotionally vampire person, despite all the good qualities that he has shown such as a generous and hardworking person. Finally, even though I am convinced to have ADHD, I also have some symptoms related with OCD, mostly overthinking about bad memories from my past life experiences, which usually take a lot of time for me to forget and which affect me a lot physically and morally. For example, it took me 10 years to overcome the impossibility of the reconciliation between my parents and my in-laws, and I still have never overcome my very first heartbreak that I experimented at 16 years old, even though 20 years elapsed after it happened!

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Relationship problems: I have been lucky to have someone who is straight minded, down to earth, discipline and hardworking in life… Unfortunately I still feel there is a wall separating the both of us because there are too many differences between us which makes that there is no possibility to create a Just Middle between us to better hang up with each other. Because of that, I always have the feeling that I must always show a face of myself that my husband wants me to have and that I don’t feel free to be whatever I would like to be because my husband never accepted me the way I AM, but wanted me to be the way he and his family wanted me to be. I have also had too many breakups, because my choices never matched with my mother’s choices and I suffered from a very brutal breakup with my ex because he was widely influenced by his father since his father disliked my European style and the fact that I used to speak French, which was never tolerated in their family. After one month of breakup only that I decided to marry my actual husband.

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Substance abuse or addiction: Yes, I am extremely addicted with sugar that I put in my tea or coffee, because I was told by an ex-colleague that when you consume sweet things, it’s because you are sad and that you are desperately looking for a way to find re-comfort into sweetness. I dislike cigarette though, and only now started developing taste for alcohol, but yet I still control myself since on cigarette and alcohol, my father succeeded into never letting me involved in them, especially alcohol, maybe because he knows that my mother is alcoholic and that he cannot control her. I have also been addicted to Facebook at such a point that I was neglecting my family. I won’t say that my addiction stopped because I keep on borrowing my husband’s mobile to surf on his Facebook account as if it was mine, since we have some contacts in common and some interests in common which feature on his Facebook account. However, I am very addicted with Social Platforms, and even with Literature and Creative Writing. I am dying with curiosity for discovering new things of life and developing myself. And on that kind of addiction I don’t want to change.

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Low motivation: Yes, so many times, especially when I am stuck into a daily and boring routine in my life, like as I mentioned before. I am also fed up with the trips that we do because my husband always chose Mauritius and France as the only destinations where we traveled, whereas there are so many options and at cheaper prices that we could take. I complained about it with him so many times, but he just told me that his financial situation couldn’t allow him going in other destinations, but that as soon as his situation would improve we could visit something else. Personally I don’t believe him, because there are opportunities which are waiting for us. Maybe also it’s his lack of geographic knowledge which makes him talking like that, and for that I admit I need to help him since I have deeper geographic knowledge.

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PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL: I did very well at school when I was in Primary School but things started changing after I took part at the Brevet des Colleges. Even though I was doing well at school, unfortunately I was terrorized and over-pressurized by my mother, who never had faith in my capacities and who always underestimated me with her excessive discipline and obsession of making me over-passing myself. As I said before, even though I stopped having my mother with me, the fact that she over-pressurized me had some severe consequences on my concentration problems, not only for my studies, but even for the rest of my life. Unfortunately things got worse when I got married due to too much pressure from my husband and my in-laws, who are all extremely maniac when it comes on hygiene, discipline and hard work, since they still have the scars of the poverty in which they have been growing up, and from which they never recovered. And the fact that I come from a rich family unfortunately didn’t arrange things, despite all the efforts that I had to overdo to be accepted in the family and by my husband. The fact that I had to build a personality to please others instead of pleasing myself makes me extremely unhappy and uncomfortable. As well as I was raised as a golden child at home, in another hand I was severely bullied at school especially during my primary years and a part of my secondary years, because I was all the time quiet, lonely and never involved in anyone’s games. I was never dropped out from school nor university, but I interrupted my studies for my E-Commerce License since I was completely lost in most of the subjects and had no basics in computer science, and as I mentioned before, I repeated my Premiere and before that, I had to make a Seconde Amenagee which distanced me from my Baccalaureate orientation completely. I wanted to add also that I have unfortunately been bullied and discouraged by a pupil who never wanted me to do a Literary Baccalaureate, pretending that I would never know how to assimilate my languages properly! Another one once even mocked me when I said I wanted to do Action et Communication Commerciale or Comptabilite et Gestion, which both represented branches from the field Sciences et Technologies Tertiaires. I still remember the mocking that he did over me, and unfortunately his mocking brought negative fruits as I doubted a lot on myself and felt that I wasn’t made for that kind of job. I was always shy and lonely and had a lot of difficulties to make strong friendship bonds with the other pupils of the class who wanted to approach me. I was subject to so many fake rumors about me, that I was mentally delayed or disturbed, something like that. I never was dropped out from school, but I once escaped from school for meeting my boyfriend of that period, a guy whom my parents disagreed with and whom I had been having a secret relationship with for about 2 years, until I decided to put an end to it as it would never work between us.

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–  I admit that I changed jobs and had poor performance at work during the few times that I was working for other companies. But the most catastrophic working experience, which maybe is the cause I couldn’t cope with work environment anymore in addition of my average exam results, is the 2 month experience I had in the HR Department of a Printing and Packaging company, when I was working as a HR Assistant cum Secretary. After 2 months and so many fights and bullying from my dominating boss, I resigned with all my anger and did a very catastrophic signing with an ex colleague, and I was diagnosed anxiety depression by the doctor of the company. My HR Manager menaced me since I gave my complaint and resignation letter directly to the General Manager without passing by him, and two weeks later he replied to me in a very menacing and arrogant way to scare me… But Karma turned against him, since he was fired from the company further to a very serious professional mistake he was accused of. My working environment in Mauritius in general was horrible, mostly because of the Mauritian mentality, with which I couldn’t cope at all. Mine in Madagascar was rather good as long as it consisted into administrative tasks, but I was completely null in Logistics. When I completely left the working environment, then I realized that I wanted to become a writer.

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– As I don’t drive I never had speeding tickets, license suspended nor was involved in more crashes. However, it took me 7 temptations to get my driving license, and I didn’t obtain it with my own efforts, but instead I obtained it thanks to my ex-boyfriend, who bribed a policeman he knew very well to help me passing my license! But karma once more turned against me, because I didn’t deserve that license as it was obtained with bribe, even though my ex boyfriend did it with a good intention for me. Because of that bribe, God punished me and I cannot drive anymore. I don’t smoke cigarettes since I never could stood tobacco, I was never addicted to drugs, but I merely started drinking, and I am rather addicted with social networking on my mobile and with sugar. Yes, I have less money, and to be honest, I have no more money. I am completely ruined, since I spent a lot of money uselessly by buying all sorts of rubbish and getting memberships for all sort of online job platforms, within my desperate obsession for freedom and for preserving my dignity, an obsession that I still have within me as I don’t want to depend on my husband anymore financially. Finally I admit, that I really have a lot of psychological trouble as I got very often depressed and anxious, and I even had so many nightmares during my sleep.

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– There are a lot of other things on which I wrote so many things in the past as they affected me a lot, but I will never mention about them anymore, since I was wisely and toughly advised by some good and loyal people I have been lucky to meet in life to put a big cross on those chains of the past, not only because it was painful for me to keep those chains alive for myself, but also because it was very uncomfortable for my readers, my family and my surroundings to read so many crude things, since they could be fatal for me in the meaning that anyone could bully me in return for having had the courage of spreading the truth about them, and that it could also affect me and my family in the future. It was very hard for me to accept this, but I accepted removing all those blog posts since they could be fatal for me in the future and even attract a lot of hateful and disturbing opinions and comments on me, for which I admit I wouldn’t be strong enough to face nor to fight against. But only one thing though that I would like to share and that a friend of mine once told me: Your parents are your very first prints in your life. If they are good prints, you will grow up good, if they are bad prints, you will survive with those bad prints all your life. Unfortunately I belong to the second sad category of children and it’s very hard for me today to rise again as I still carry so many heavy scars in me. As I told my husband, you can have a loveable husband, many loyal friends or therapists who will advise you and help you rebuilding yourself, but they will never replace the essence of life that your parents are supposed to bring in you, and you will always feel incomplete because your parents never brought in you that essence of life. This is exactly what I am myself actually facing.

Unfortunately, since therapies here are expensive and not covered by insurance, and since there are lots of shadows from my past that I don’t want to unveil anymore and that I removed away from my blog forever, I prefer not following any therapies. The fact that I could break that silence already consists into a big therapy for me, and I hope that through my experience, I will be able to inspire other people suffering with ADHD like me to have the courage to express themselves. I also took a lot of time to understand one important thing, which is that ADHD can be an explanation in bad life management, but should not be an excuse. I hope that after I wrote all those words and confessions, I will be able to stand up again and to overcome that mental disorder bravely, even though I need to do it alone, and for which I don’t loose hope, though at times I can be morally down or fed up.

True Prophets vs Fake Prophets

Click here to get the whole collection of quotes I collected about true and fake prophets

A local celebrity and compatriot of mine once wrote on his Facebook page timeline, I quote: “By proving others wrong, you certainly don’t prove yourself right. You prove how low you can stoop. Life is not a competition; it’s a celebration. Don’t win the battle of life by being the cause of failure for others. Win it by being the source of inspiration for others to succeed.”

FAKE PROPHETS

In that text, I will first comment on the first part of that post, which has a link with the fake prophets who knock on our doors: “By proving others wrong, you certainly don’t prove yourself right. You prove how low you can stoop.”Then in another post I will comment about what are true prophets.

As I was talking about that compatriot of mine, I remember that I have been informed by him, a couple of months ago, that someone was trying hard to compete with him since years, but not competing to be a source of inspiration for others, but only to satisfy his own ego. Thanks to the quotes I retrieved on Google, you will better understand the truth behind that personage, and at the same time be better aware about fake prophets who knock at the door of your life.

Let’s first consider that quote from the Holy Bible: “Beware of the false Prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but who inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits.” (Holy Gospel of St Matthew 7:15-16).This is exactly like this that unfortunately, lots of people still consider society : When you are always well groomed, always elegant, always with a smile upon your face, people still think that you are a respectful person. But I apologise for my frankness, it’s not always true. There is a French quote which says “L’habit ne fait pas le moine”. By experience, my husband had that bad experience when he was working in Mauritius. I had so many fights with him, because he still believed in the old-fashioned school that, when you were a shirt which is impeccably ironed and that you wear a tie, you give a positive image of yourself in society. When my husband started working after university, he was then taught to wear a shirt and a tie to go to work. One evening, my husband’s younger brother did a scandal because their father made the car dirty, and he asked their father to tell my husband to wash the car! My husband’s father then got angry and told my young brother-in-law “You fool! Don’t you see that your brother is wearing a shirt and a tie, and that he is already working hard? Why do you think he is wearing a shirt and a tie? Because he has been studying hard, he has been working hard, and he has so many responsibilities that he comes back home tired after a hard day at work, and would prefer relaxing instead of washing the car!” It was true in the past… Not anymore alas! My husband, though, took a lot of time to understand that things changed. He always believed in his ex-boss, all this because he was wearing a shirt and a tie in office and that his clothes were all the time perfectly ironed! Also, each time that my husband’s clothes were not perfectly ironed, there were big fights at home as he always worried about his image through that shirt he would wear at office! He was like that until he came to discover his boss’s true colours, as an arrogant and disrespectful person, who openly showed the company his relationship with his mistress whereas he had a beautiful wife who made everything for him at home, and who didn’t even hesitate to decrease the little workers in the factory because of the degrees he had and that the little workers didn’t have! Thank God that lesson was a big slap for my husband, and thank God, since that, he changed a lot since we moved to Seychelles and that he doesn’t have anymore to wear a tie for office!

The second quote says that thing: “Should you find yourself victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember this : things could be worse. You could be one of them!” Personally, I have been myself victim of so many people, who pretended to love me and to cherish me with a so-called sincere heart, but who instead befriended me with benefits to satisfy their own ego. I remember especially a South Indian fake friend of mine who did that to me so many times. At the beginning, he was earning his life as a hotel police in Chennai, until he was victim of some rogues who wanted to attack the hotel and who did some deadly menaces to him! As a true friend, I comforted and supported him a lot and he could always have my shoulder to cry on. He even tried to look for jobs, and thanks to his own efforts he could become a trainee in another hotel in the gym section. Unfortunately, after a few months only, he resigned again because his boss was misusing him as a slave! Also instead of looking for another job… He wanted to stop working and was forcing me to work for him to transfer him money, especially for his birthday!!! I was feeling so guilty that I was madly looking for online jobs to help him, but when my efforts turned vain and that I told him frankly I didn’t find anything, he took his distance from me and managed with a driver job for the account of a construction project, because he urgently needed money! But since then he became arrogant with me, and though he was earning his life well, he kept on fooling me and came to me only for money purposes, for afterwards rejecting me like an old pair of socks when I couldn’t help him… And by coincidence, I don’t know whether I could interpret that as an insult to me, he once made a selfie where he was proudly holding lots of cash money in his hands, and there was a glance of pride and arrogance shining in his eyes, which had nothing to do with the usual sweetness he had in his eyes in the past, and which elapsed away! A proof that as long as some frustrated people know you are always friendly, they will easily misuse you for satisfying their ego and calming down their frustration, but the day you won’t be able to satisfy those people, they will start treating you like a vulgar piece of shit!

Now let’s take a look on the third picture: “A time will come when instead of shepherds feeding the sheep, the Church will have Clowns entertaining the goats”. Have you heard about the villainous character of the Evil Clown that you retrieve in some horror movies from the 80’s, and who are in reality some fake clowns pretending to be there to amuse you, but who instead are clowns in disguise who have the power to kill innocent humans or abusing of them? In reality life, those kind of clowns also exist, but in the shape of angelic clowns! I remember that when I was on holidays last year in Paris together with my little family, we met a French friend of ours who was an ex-colleague of my husband’s in Madagascar. He was accompanied with two children who were the children of his concubine. One of them befriended me very quickly and at a moment, we stopped in a cafeteria to have a hot drink. There, through the window, we saw a clown amusing the audience in the streets. I don’t know why but I felt something very fishy in that clown because it wasn’t normal that he was amusing the audience in a public place which was not settled for him, instead of an animation place. Then the little boy who was with me related me that in his hometown Lyon, one day there was a clown like this who tried to approached him, and who even nicknamed him “Small Gherkin” by discreetly showing to the little boy his middle finger!!!! I immediately understood the message behind that, and immediately understood that this so-called clown was a paedophile and wanted to abuse the little boy! But thank God the little boy related everything to his parents and was warned about which kind of person that fake clown was!

Another illustration that clowns even know how to hide themselves, is that those clowns in reality are people with a lot of problems and who hide behind a mask as people who are always happy, though their hearts deep inside is bleeding. This is a proof of how people who hide with a smile on their face are not always manipulators, but they can also be people who have no other choice than hiding their pain as they are alone and misunderstood all the time. For those who understand French, have a look on the lyrics of French singer Soprano’s new song “Clown”. In the clip he applies clown make-up but the message is clear, he makes people smiling and he keeps on smiling but deep inside he is a soul in pain. Here are the lyrics in French, but for which I can bring a translation soon:http://www.paroles.net/soprano/paroles-clown. I also had the opportunity to read the draft of a book written by a friend of mine, Mauritian writer and painter Melissa Rivet, called “Le Cirque de la Vie” (The Circus of Life). That story relates a conversation between a businesswoman and an old man who are having a conversation together. The businesswoman is always busy running here and there like most of us, whereas the old man keeps on sitting under the tree, staring at the cars coming and going. But when they sat together, the old man related his past to the businesswoman: He said that he was the director of a circus troop in the past, but he was always busy making money thanks to his characters. Among his characters there was one of them who was performing acrobatics, and it was thanks to him that the circus was successful! But that acrobatic person was someone who was suffering a lot because he had a lot of problems, and he only wanted one thing, to stop doing acrobatics and leaving his own life, because he was fed up of his job and the fact that he had to be superficial with the audience to amuse them, only to satisfy the director’s ego! Then the director took a hard decision, which was to give back to the acrobatic man his freedom. The man was very happy since he resigned from the circus, but since that, the circus lost its popularity, but brought to its director a strong life lesson that life doesn’t mean business and that people should never be misused to satisfy other people’s ego because they also have a life.

Let’s see now that little newspaper title “A pretty face doesn’t mean a pretty heart”. Unfortunately I had difficulties to access to the original link where that picture was taken from, but I have a perfect example to give to all of you, about a public figure, whom I will though hide the identity as information about him are very sensitive. One of our members told me how her cousins fall for this guy… Because he is attractive physically! Because according to what was reported about him, he knows that he is good-looking and charming, and he is using his own charms to attract girls. This is what fake prophets are made of, and it is again proved in the Holy Bible in the last picture quote I attached, saying I quote: “Sugar coated preaching is dangerous to your soul”. Have you ever seen the mermaids in the movie “Pirates of the Caribbean” ? It’s exactly in that way that they attracted the pirates who have been shipwrecked in the ocean. Those pirates were all alone in the ocean, when suddenly some beautiful mermaids surrounded them slowly but surely, with hugs, kisses, caresses… Until one of them turned her angelic smile into a demoniac attack where she opened widely her mouth and showed her two vampire canines to bite one of the pirates! This is exactly how those kind of people attract us… Spreading sugar all over our pathways, until they satisfy their hunger by devouring us! Meanwhile, here is an extract of a blog post I once wrote, which I would like to share with you, I quote: “Sugar is extracted either from the beetroot or the sugar cane… For this, HUMANS must produce them, harvest them and send them in industrial factories, with heavy industrial machines, equipment and workforce. Even though those factories receive then a lot of financial and material benefits and allows all workers to have a decent salary… the product itself is sold, consumed and used in our metabolism as a poison killing the human race softly, as it will bring the human metabolism the worst diseases regarding their health: diabetes, stress, hypertension, ulcer, etc. And then other new expenses are coming up through the medical, clinic, hospital and pharmaceutical fees, which are extremely expensive!”. I also quoted ” Very few people who try hard with their own weapons to succeed in life, and most people using all sorts of coverage to get their way : corruption, belonging into a religious sect, Freemasonry, mafia, drug dealers, prostitution, politic coverage… All sorts of Fake Heavens surrounding the human being everyday, helping them to take the easiest way… But unfortunately no one seems to realise that those fake Heavens are our roads to Hell!” All this because they are attracted by easiness, which looks like sugar, and they don’t realise they are going the wrong way.

Those examples perfectly illustrate my compatriot’s quote and once more prove how the road to truth is a road which is difficult, but that you will find easy if you do it with a pure heart and fighting spirit. So are you ready to walk on that difficult but powerful pathway to Heaven? Are you more aware now about the fake prophets who have been knocking, are actually knocking or will knock on your door in a near future?

TRUE PROPHETS

Previously, I commented about my friend’s post about Fake Prophets, which perfectly illustrated the first part of that compatriot’s quote: “By proving others wrong, you certainly don’t prove yourself right. You prove how low you can stoop.”. But in that second part of that text, I will comment on second part of that compatriot’s quote, “Life is not a competition; it’s a celebration. Don’t win the battle of life by being the cause of failure for others. Win it by being the source of inspiration for others to succeed.” and teach you, through that quote and through some personal researches that I did before, what is the meaning of being a true prophet.

While looking for some pictures, that quote captured my attention, saying“Kindness is a mark of faith, and whoever is not kind has no faith”. There I recognised nonetheless the good shape of that compatriot’s personality. Since that person who tried to compete with my compatriot tried to fool one of my compatriots’ followers to make him getting away from my compatriot and instead following his steps, my compatriot decided to confront that person who made of him his adversary, whereas my compatriot never competed with anyone. At first, the person denied everything, but afterwards was forced to recognise his part of mistakes. I don’t know though if that adversary apologised, but my compatriot decided to forgive him, and he even mentioned that this guy was also one of his “friends”. Here were the words that my compatriot said about that person during a chat session I had with him a couple of months ago regarding this adversary, I quote: “When it comes to my image, I take it as a serious concern. He denied all accusations though, but I warned him about the implications of citing things against me. (…) He knows that I’m aware of this and he will make sure to never repeat such mistake again.” But despite the seriousness of that guy’s mistake, my compatriot proved that he had nonetheless a big heart and decided to forgive him and to turn the page of that chapter once for all. But I couldn’t keep quiet about that adversary and decided to tell all my compatriots’ supporters about that adversary’s true colours and bad intentions against my compatriots, and here were my compatriot’s words after I informed all our common friends and supporters about that guy’s tricks and before my compatriot confronted that person: “It’s important to understand that I am in competition with no one, and therefore shall never utter a word that will cause harm to someone’s image. In light of this, (…), a friend of mine, supposedly said things against me. This is a sign of fear. I forgive him, no matter what. I am in communication with him on this subject because when things come to my image, I think you all know, I will make sure this is never repeated by the same person. On this note, I ask you all to remain calm. I have nothing personal against him and I don’t want you either to have something personal against him. It’s a matter of philosophy and principles. His principles may be gaining power through people. Mine is empowering people.” When you have a clean heart and that your image is spoiled by insane people, the best way for you is to confront those people… And that was what my compatriot did, and I am sure that this guy who made of him his adversary didn’t even expect that my compatriot would be aware about his tricks sooner or later. It proves also that when people try to fool other people, they are also fooling God Himself, and they don’t realise that God will show the truth sooner or later to the ones who really respect and represent Him. And this is the biggest quality which defines a true prophet.

2) Here is a second quote I saw while doing my researches about true prophets, a graffiti scripture saying: “Real Eyes Realise Real Lies”. Very poetic but very meaningful also. And when I read it, I did some researches and discovered that they were lyrics from American rap singer Tiny’s song “So Nice”. The song mostly relate about the rapper’s previous love relationship, where he faced a horrible breakup with his loved one. He appears in the lyrics to be bitter, heartbroken and also feels himself dirty for having been trapped into that fake love. The lyrics are poetic and at times vulgar, but they represent the perfect metaphor of how we would have felt if we trusted fake prophets. And true prophets perfectly know the meaning of being veiled by the fake, and suddenly seeing the fake disappearing in front of our eyes and then making us discovering the bitter truth hiding behind the sweet illusion. Unfortunately, those true prophets are hated because no one want to accept the truths they spread to us, but instead, people tend to listen to the fake prophets with sugar coated mouths and then get easily trapped. In the lyrics of the song, here is an extract where I especially paid my attention, I quote: “They say real eyes, realise, real lies but how come you never knew they were untrue All the shit you heard, false as well as fake Your water’s the only thing that I wanna break Having my little yout, another little you Read between the lines them big lies hold in little truths” And in those lyrics, the rapper is clear on one point : If you know how to read between the lines or among the words that people tell you, if you have the heart of a true prophet of love, you can easily detect the truth, which is in small particles, and the lies, which are more numerous.

3) A third quote also attracted my attention is that quote from Yoko Ono, whom some of you may have heard about, as late John Lennon’s widow. There, she really recognised the true prophecy within artists, and it also applies to Hip Hop artist Tiny. Artists have a way, through their song lyrics, to express in a poetic way the things that are always remained untold in real life, whereas those things are totally true, but no one has the courage to spread the message properly. I invite you to discover a collection of John Lennon’s collection of quotes:

John Lennon, through those quotes, was known for being a big dreamer. He has been practising also Buddhism and Hinduism and even studied the Holy Bible, as he was constantly in search of truth everywhere. I especially enjoyed to of his lyrics, one saying, I quote: “I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.” ― John Lennon Where he mentions clearly that he is not superficial and that he is what he is, however people may appreciate it or not, and another one saying, I quote: “If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that… I believe in what I do, and I’ll say it.” ― John Lennon Meaning that whoever he may be at the eyes of others, he doesn’t care, as long as he is conscious about the fact that he knows who he is, what he thinks about and what his visions are. This is the third quality of the true prophets : They don’t care for what they are, as long as they are conscious that they are sincere with themselves before being sincere with other people. A true prophet, though he was at some moments offended that some insane people misused his image, deep inside doesn’t really care, as long as he is conscious that deep inside himself he has a clear heart.

4) Here is another quote which paid my attention, saying: “We must believe what is good and true about the prophets, that they were sages, that they do understand what proceeded from their mouths, and that they bore prudence on their lips”. I also totally agree with that quote. True prophets, before they say anything, always take time to meditate on themselves before spreading their words. They are the kind of people who have the art of talking to the man they see in the mirror every morning before starting the brand new day coming. They are the kind of people who have the art of meditating with themselves and always continuously putting themselves back in question before going to others. That was what my compatriot always used to do. I saw so many pictures of him dreaming, praying, meditating, closing his eyes and being deeply concentrated or in reflection. He even once wrote that quote: “I dive deep in the echoes of my mind and I listen carefully. The quieter I become, the more I can listen to our long spoken and unspoken conversations. I force myself into presuming that you are around and I silently complete conversations that were once left incomplete.” True prophets are also good listeners, and don’t always keep on talking all the time, and this is an art that very few people have in life. The true prophet is also the one who shuts up, listens carefully and gives you the intelligent reply to what you tell them. And through this way, they learn how to “introduce themselves to their self”, like my compatriot mentions in his quote in attachment saying “Introduce yourself to your self. That’s what life is all about”.

5) Finally I saw that long quote about pop culture prophets and their philosophy behind the success of their albums. They showed, through that text in attachment, another lesson, which is the meaning of progression. I especially enjoyed the extract where they said, I quote: “We started the band thinking that the world was ugly, but it’s more beautiful than we thought. Take it from a band who used to think everything was miserable. But we’ve found that it’s not”. A true prophet, through the difficulties of life, will never complain about the difficulties of life, but will rather take the positive lessons learnt from those experiences and share them with their audience and followers, as well as a pop culture band can find the beauty hiding behind the ugliness. See for example a shell in the sea. It doesn’t look attractive at first sight if we look at the shape of the shell. But nonetheless, we are conscious about the beauty of the pearl that it hides deep inside, and this is what makes the shell appearing sacred and beautiful. True prophets know how to make us discovering the beauty behind the ugliness, the good behind the bad, the easy behind the difficult. But some true prophets also are represented as repulsive physically, but deep inside so beautiful hearts and souls. See the hermits and shamans for example, who appear scary at first sight, but who have the power of unlimited truth within themselves and inside their words. And there are also some true prophets are above all simple people like you and me, but with a great soul and great divine teachings. See the Lord Jesus Christ, for example, who is a real prophet of truth, though he was a simple carpenter coming from a poor Jewish family. Prophets who appear in luxurious clothes are not forcefully true prophets, but the fact that they hide behind their chic can easily fool people. Here are five lessons we should learn to recognise a true prophet :

1) True prophets are kind-hearted people who have the gift of forgiveness and generosity even towards their worst enemy. And the fact that my compatriot still mentioned that guy who made of him his adversary a “friend” is a big proof of maturity and generosity. I admit myself I was shocked when I read he considered that guy as a “friend”, but when I thought about it, I recognised my compatriot’s superiority behind such generosity.

2) True prophets are hidden within artists, because they have the gift of expressing things that should remain untold. My compatriot may not be a singer, but as he writes books and poems, as he also took part in some shows a couple of years ago and showed his hidden talents by playing music, he showed the artist laying within him, and succeeded as well expressing the untold things.

3) True prophets are big dreamers. We always criticise people who dream a lot instead of living in reality, but in fact, people who dream a lot have the gift of seeing the truth with the eyes of the heart, whereas people who only remain stuck to reality are living in total illusion, but they don’t seem to realise it. I also invite you to discover the lyrics of a great electro pop song I always loved listening to, as the lyrics really captivated my attention, because there, British singer Tina Cousins perfectly describes the mystery behind life and time. The song is “Mysterious Times” from Sash and Tina Cousins and was always among one of my favourite songs of all time during my university years: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwTiBOf_yVI

4) True prophets are careful people who have the gift of prayer, meditation and careful listening, while talking to the person they see in front of their mirrors, before talking to other people.

5) Finally, true prophets have the gift of bringing progression from the darkness to the light.

Mayweather vs Pacquiao: Two Champions, Two Life Lessons

OM MANI PAD ME HUM!

I wrote that essay on the day we are celebrating Lord Buddha’s birthday, and that is why I wanted to send you that Holy Buddha mantra this morning. Lord Buddha, as you know all, was a very rich Prince living in a luxurious palace, but who left everything behind him to meditate in the forest for long days under a tree, when he came to know about how the world, out of his luxurious palace, was dark and imperfect. Nowadays, his devotees, though they know about his past life, don’t concentrate on his life as a Prince, but rather on his new life since he entered the phase of deep meditation. See Lord Jesus Christ : Before being baptized by John Baptist, he was a Jew and was working as a carpenter. But he had thirst for spreading the Holy Messages from his Father in Heaven, the Almighty God, who recognized him as his Beloved and Holy Son as soon as he was baptized. Since that day, His life totally changed, and through so many miracles done on sick people, further to those unconditional messages He kept on spreading to the humanity during the forty days and forty nights He has been preaching in the desert, the Lord Jesus Christ became the Messiah. What both those Holy people had in past was that, one of them was rich, whereas the other one was poor, but both of them were physically very attractive. Nonetheless, no one even cared whether they were attractive, rich and poor, but people saw only the good in their deeds since they entered that new phase of spirituality awaiting them.

In a book he wrote and published a couple of years ago, a compatriot of mine wrote those lines: “In my early childhood, I once told my mother when I was sleeping in her lap: “Ma, I want to become a doctor” and she smiled back. During my college days, my father asked me about my future endeavor, I replied “Pa, I really love teaching”. Some days back, I answered to myself that I want to become a doctor for the poor and a teacher for the fool.” When I saw that quote it interpellated me, because it was exactly in that same way that Lord Buddha and Lord Jesus spread their Holy teachings to their followers and devotees, and their messages became universal for the whole humanity because they taught with both their heart and their mind and they perfectly knew how to build a bridge between their hearts and minds through the only one way : Love.

Unfortunately, very few preachers like Lord Jesus and Lord Buddha, and very few people succeeded into building a bridge between the heart and mind. In the world running today, we mostly tend to run much more with the sad reality which comes mostly from our mind and which lead us to fake ways to success and enrichment. There is a quote which says that the heart has its own reasons, which the reason itself doesn’t have. But very few people succeeded into understanding that quote.

I remember that one Sunday on television, there was a kickboxing match between two international champions, who were American Floyd Mayweather and Filipino Manny Pacquiao. As some of you are aware about the result, it was Mayweather who won the battle in the end. Personally I never agreed about that result. I saw a picture, which I am sending you in attachment, with that quote in it, “Mayweather wins title, Pacquiao wins the hearts”. I tried to do some researches on that quote, and here are some extracts that I found illustrating perfectly that quote, from a link I am going to share with you at the end of that text, I quote: “I probably think Mayweather is going to win, whether you like him or not,” (…) “It’s amazing how good he is. He’s managed to get really rich because he’s managed not to get hit. I want to see Pacquiao win, and if I was betting the fight, I’d probably take Pacquiao and the odds.”

I saw another explanation which interrelated me regarding Pacquiao, I quote: “Manny Pacquiao’s rise from crushing poverty to global fame and fortune has inspired a whole generation of Filipino fighters, who look up to his legend as their dream and boxing as a ticket out of harsh lives and uncertainties. They train hard and passionately, away from their families in the countryside and for long hours. The young remain hopeful, despite the long odds, thousands of body blows and dreams of rival boxers that stand in their way. They learn from those whose fighting careers are behind them, and have gained wisdom if not riches and fame. The Associated Press talked with three young boxers as they toil and sweat it out in a gym in suburban Paranaque city in metropolitan Manila, as well as three retired fighters who train young aspirants. All idolize Pacquiao (pictured) and think he will beat Floyd Mayweather in their much-awaited fight.”

I will always recognize Manny Pacquiao within any common human who has been experiencing the same kind of fight in life, which would paid him or her the respect of his or her surroundings and become big role models for the new generation to be. However, I will never have the same respect for Mayweather, because as per what I read, he may have his competences but he doesn’t seem to have get rich through the hardness of life, but unfortunately with too many facilities and comfort.

In one future post, I will show you the difference between the road to sugar and the road to money. The road to sugar is exactly what Floyd Mayweather has been living. He became extremely rich, has a lot of facilities, lots of money, his own private jet, his own trainer, and this is why through so many facilities he became a champion. It was not the case for Pacquiao, who has been living in poor conditions in his native Philippines, but instead of looking for facilities, he chose the road to honey, the most difficult road, but which lead him to respect and love, even though he tasted failure in some of his matches, like that one against Mayweather. Pacquiao instead chose the road to honey, but it was much harder.

Those who will try to compete with each of us will appear as losers because for most of them, they will be misusing people to satisfy their ego and to pro-pulse them to the walk of fame. This is to tell you how people try to go into dishonest and unscrupulous ways to satisfy their ego and to scratch down their adversaries. This is in the same way that Mayweather tried to become a well-known champion, and in that same way that he has so many haters around him, contrary to Pacquiao who is adored worldwide and a role model for the Filipinos. And this is how more and more people tend to take the road to sugar instead of the road to money nowadays, because for people, time is no more quality, but money and quantity.

I remember I was working in Madagascar for the account of a freight and transit company. The company was working on a mining project together with the multinational freight group, especially the Toronto Branch Office. My ex-boss went to Toronto in the aim of that project and described me the way Toronto people were living their life. He described Toronto as a true cosmopolitan town, with respect for each other, simplicity of life, and total security, which was especially illustrated by absence of policemen, cleanliness and discipline in the streets. He also described me how people there live, especially those big bosses. Contrary to countries like Mauritius, Madagascar and even Seychelles, which base themselves again on the quantity of work produced, Canadian people base themselves on the quality of the work produced. This is why, even during the working hours, you will see those big managers together with their families playing golf or jogging, and they don’t care as long as their schedule is perfectly organized and that they will make sure to submit their final work into the respected deadlines. This is the true proof of people who really knew how to make a difference between quality and quantity.

Finally, I would like to share with you a true story: I have recently acknowledged a compatriot, who was the father of a teenage boy. The teenage boy was someone very competent and intelligent, but that he wasn’t involving himself enough in his studies, whereas his father is working very hard for giving his son the best he can as a loving and responsible father, who has a strong vision for his child. Also, I explained to the teenage boy how lucky he is to have wonderful parents and also such a loving, caring and hardworking father who works hard for him and who loves him with every beat of his heart like a true father. By the same way, I personally proposed the teenage boy, with his father’s permission, to help him getting into that journey of hardship and maturity, starting by helping him in French, which is the subject where he is actually facing some difficulties. Unfortunately, some sad circumstances made that they are no more friends with me, though I still kept space in my heart for them. But if I have again the opportunity to help that teenage boy, one thing is sure is that I will never request him money for helping him in French, because the only price that teenage boy has to pay me is to obtain GOOD RESULTS from his OWN EFFORTS and to turn into a RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE young man, who will make the pride of his parents, family, surroundings and his country too.

Thank you so much for your attention… Because life is a JOURNEY… NOT a DESTINATION… It’s time to change our minds and to realize it once for all.

How I took back the Religion my Father Rejected

My first religious steps and struggles

I am a native from Mauritius, born from an Indo-Mauritian father and an African Creole mother. Religion has always been a huge part of my life since I was born, but it was my mother’s religion which was mostly predominant, whereas it should have been my father’s religion which should have been mine.
Most Hindu families are built under the patriarchal authority, but it had never been the case for my parents, since it was mostly my father who was bending under my mother’s authority.
My mother came from a Roman Catholic family, which made that I also got christened by my half-sister (my father’s first marriage daughter) at the Ste Therese Church in Curepipe, and by my uncle, who is my mother’s elder brother. But though I was regularly assisting the weekly masses, and though I also did my Holy Confession and Holy Communion as a Roman Catholic, I also very often assisted in parallel to the masses from the Anglican Church of St Thomas in Beau Bassin together with my father. However, I didn’t do my confirmation at the age of 10 since during that period, I felt a partial disinterest and demotivation in keeping on following the catechism at school, though I kept on doing it for again 4 years when I started secondary school. But after my last year of catechism, then I stopped practicing and had no more steps to follow within my religious vocation. At a moment, my mother felt I had to follow another step, and then she put me within the Anglican Diocese of Mauritius, as a part of the Parish of St Clement in Curepipe. For four years I was part of the Church and actively participated into some church and diocesan activities, such as being part of the Youth Group, Adults Choir, Youth Choir and responsible of the Anglican Liturgy within the Youth Group as well. Unfortunately, because of my father who always kept on making scandals when I attended my church activities, since he always feared that I would fail in my studies, I couldn’t continue anymore attending the activities, and had to lessen them by force. I also got some conflicts with some of the church members, who disagreed with me on a lot of things while I was trying to give my best during the participation of the church activities. But the straw that broke the camel was especially the lady who was responsible of the Adult Choir of the church who reproached me of being too much absent to the rehearsals, and who scolded me with bold words, saying that if I couldn’t be regular to the rehearsals, then it would be better that I wouldn’t be anymore a part of the Adults Choir. Her words made me the effect of a knife blade in my heart, and not only did I leave the Church forever, but I also left the Anglican Diocese forever, for never coming back again. My father, who forgot that he was the one who discouraged me to follow the church activities, then started blackmailing me for going back to church, until I couldn’t bear it and told him, with eyes full of tears, how the Adults Choir Responsible lady scolded me lastly… But I didn’t have the courage to scold my father for the discouragements I had to bear from him since he forced me to lessen my church activities 😦 But today I am writing that part of my religious journey, a religious journey full of ups and downs during all the time that I was at my parents’ place.
An unexpected upsetting
When I turned 9 years old, another unexpected event came into my life and was also indirectly responsible of my religious instability. One morning, two ladies knocked at my parents’ door. One of them was a French lady with Italian roots, who married a Mauritian person. Both ladies were… Jehovah’s Witnesses! My mother got so deeply influenced by their words, and mostly by the Italian French lady who was a very charming person, that she let them coming in the house. Since that day, lots of mess started getting created in the house. When my grandfather bought that house for my father, who would become the first doctor of the family, that house belonged to a French Mauritian owner before. Though my patriarchal family was mostly Hindu, there was a statue of Virgin Mary in its cave in the garden, face to my bedroom’s window. Since those two Jehovah’s Witnesses came in, they forced my mother to remove that statue, and also all the other religious icons that my mother settled for prayer, including some pictures of Father Laval, a Saint whom all Roman Catholic Mauritians worshipped on his tomb at Ste Croix in the North Part of the country, and a beautiful picture of Merciful Christ, which still appears on my mind very often each time I think about Lord Jesus! Not only were the icons forbidden, but even some events were forbidden as well, such as birthday cakes, Easter eggs, Christmas trees etc! The more my mother was following their rules, the more she imposed them on the whole house instead of keeping it for herself only, and the worse the atmosphere at home became topsy-turvy and unbearable, and worse again since my mother abandoned her Roman Catholic religion and turned as a Jehovah’s Witness at her turn! She even tried to influence my father to follow some Biblical courses with the Italian French lady’s husband as well! But when my half-brother came to know about our father following those courses, he laughed out lord, finding our father really ridiculous, since he knew very well our father would never follow the Jehovah’s Witness rules and remain Anglican, and since he knew that our father wasn’t a regular practising as well. Thanks to him indirectly, my father had to bend and to stop following his religious courses, which he admitted being boring to him, and which he did not for his own faith, but only to please my mother and nothing else.
My young adult years without religion
Because of all that mess caused by my mother’s obsession for the Jehovah’s Witness, and because of an immature mistake I did by asking God to allow some insane things for me, which God refused to give me, instead of recognizing that I did a mistake, I put all the blames on God, which made that I turned away from all religions for a very long period of my life. Then at a moment in year 2002, seeing that I had no religious steps again, my mother, since I refused to be part of the Jehovah’s Witnesses despite her first influences, then chose to put me at Christian Centre, under the supervision of its leaders, a couple of French Mauritians. But the praise and worship didn’t bring into my heart the results I was expecting, and I didn’t succeed into finding the peace of heart and soul that I was looking for. At the same moment, I was very unstable in my life, especially in my sentimental life after so many love deceptions and one-night stands which made me more and more deceived each and every day in my life. The biggest deception was especially my latest ex-boyfriend, whose parents categorically refused that he would marry me in church, elsewhere he would be given damnation by his family! Because of our religious and cultural differences though my ex-boyfriend used to pray at church while studying in Europe, and due to the increasing family pressure he was facing with his parents and sisters as the only son of the family, our relationship drastically splitted after only 6 months and broken promises and left me fully heartbroken for one month, until I met in August 2004, at his younger brother’s marriage, the one who is today my husband and the father of our young and unique son who was born from our union in May 2011.
New religious struggles appeared after marriage
Since I was still Christian before marriage, and under my parents’ influence and authority, I couldn’t follow my husband’s steps and had to stay in my own corner each time he had to go to temple and to pray. When my husband, who was living overseas since a couple of years, came back to Mauritius or went back overseas, there were some rituals which my future in-laws used to do with him and, one afternoon, I was asked to stand besides my future husband to receive the blessings, though I wouldn’t accompany him in the aircraft. But since I was still Christian, I refused to stand besides my husband and frankly said I didn’t have any right to participate in them since I was still Christian. I still remember how everyone was shocked when I mentioned about it, but my sister-in-law said that I have been really courageous to have declined them, since she would never have that courage if she was at my place. During the marriage preparations, I have been also trapped by my parents for the same purposes. There was a time during childhood, where I didn’t mind about wearing a white wedding dress and veil for getting married, since we assisted a lot of Roman Catholic and Anglican weddings for years. But since I witnessed one of my elder cousins’ Hindu Marriage and visioned her wedding ceremony which was filmed by some extended relatives of ours, I was so seduced by the way Hindu weddings were celebrated that I was no more interested into getting married in Church, and I really meant what I was saying. Unfortunately, my mother underestimated me and thought I was telling that only on a whim… and she imposed the celebration of our Christian wedding just after the Hindu wedding ceremony, by inviting only her family and some VIP people whom my father cared about as their personal doctor… And by avoiding inviting my in-laws and my patriarchal family!!! That wickedness from my mother deeply hurt my in-laws, who never expected how my mother could stoop so low, and in such a way that my father-in-law very often menaced to burn our Christian wedding costumes if he had those costumes within his hands! My husband, on that day, was feeling very sad and lonely, and I could feel it, though I tried to distract him with two little nieces of mine who came to us to destress the atmosphere. Despite my mother’s wickedness, my in-laws fortunately didn’t reject me and accepted me as their daughter-in-law, but they permanently lived in the fear that I would influence my husband to turn Christian instead of letting him keeping his Hindu religion, and since they knew how my mother was an excessively authoritarian and exigeant person when it came on my education! that influence continued during the first month of our marriage, though I accompanied my husband in his Hindu prayers, but what disturbed him was when I was doing my Christian prayers, though I had nothing to hide, all this because my husband always had that fear that I would force him to turn Christian, despite having warned me several times and so severely that he categorically refused, since he didn’t want to be rejected by his parents, and since I always respected his decision and kept on fighting against my mother, who kept on influencing me about turning my husband as Christian!
A humiliation which finally forced me to change religion, though no one among my in-laws forced me to do it, and though despite being forced, I had that will to change religion
One month after our marriage, my husband’s colleague from Mauritius came to our place for dinner. When my husband showed him the pictures of our wedding, I saw him hiding the ones of our Christian marriage! His colleague didn’t say anything, but I could feel through his facial expression that he wasn’t indifferent to that secret from my husband. For my part, though I tried to be polite during the whole dinner, I was pricked and felt deeply humiliated. When I asked my husband why he did such a thing and how he could be ashamed about my religion, he said that he hesitated to show our Christian marriage pictures to his colleague since he feared his colleague, who is a Marathi, wouldn’t appreciate it! We kept on fighting for long hours before falling asleep and I cried a lot because of the humiliation I felt towards my religion and the way my husband indirectly insulted my religion… Until at a moment, I felt that I had no other option, than converting into Hinduism and giving away my Christianity. My husband feared that I was taking that decision on a whim, but after a long battle, he was convinced that I was sincere and he had eyes full of tears of joy, but mostly of relief since I took his religion instead of keeping mine, mostly because of the fear of being forced by me and my mother about converting into Christianity. His parents and relatives were so happy and relieved that they congratulated me and respected me more. Even in my family, everyone appreciated my decision, including those of my matriarchal family. Only my mother was against that sudden change of decision, seeing all her hopes of influencing my husband to be by her side eloping away, which made that she desperately tempted everything to make me changing my mind and making me believing I was wrong in my decisions… But in vain! Since that day, she still tries to influence me, but all her temptations ended with total failure all the time and I remained within my Hindu faith.
At some moments though, I was so desperate that in a moment of despair, I wrote a letter to the Lord Jesus to justify my choice, but in that letter, though I expressed a desire coming from the heart, I wrote that I took that decision mostly as a sacrifice for my husband but not of my own will, because I was too scared to hurt the Lord, who had been standing besides me through thick and thin all the time, including during all my moments of religious instability.
I am still practising my Hindu faith together with my husband and removed bovine and porcine within my food habits as well. But what changed though is that I restarted in parallel practising again my Roman Catholic religion by worshipping Virgin Mary, Lord Jesus and some Catholic Saints, and this with total authorisation from my husband and without having to make accounts to my in-laws, since I had to create some boundaries around my spiritual life to have a part of privacy for myself, as long as I have permission from my husband and as long as by my side, I respect my husband’s own religious beliefs.
Conclusion: The genesis behind that religious instability comes from my father
As we say, there is no smoke without fire, and that religious instability, before influencing me, started with my father at first. My father was raised into a purely Hindu family. But when my father was settled in Kerala, where he met his first wife, he was looking for a Hindu temple there to pray, but found only an Anglican Church there. Also, he went to pray there and felt good afterwards. That was the very first step which encouraged him to convert into Anglicanism, at the big scandal of my patriarchal family! By the same way, when his children were born, they followed Anglicanism as well and then turned Roman Catholic since my father started dating my mother after his divorce with his first wife. But despite being Christened, my father had to bend under some Hindu rituals which should have been performed for all his children, as per the conditions imposed by his family. Unfortunately he never performed them since he never believed in them, which caused a lot of problems in my siblings’ lives and even in mine, with the loss of my godmother, my half-brother who turned atheist and my religious instability, which ended difficultly, but with certitude, since I got married. When I analyse the situation in all its totality, it was as if I was retaking my father’s native religion and beliefs after marriage and that I was doing the inverse spiritual journey my father did before. By such a sacrifice, though it was very hard, I not only had learnt a lot of things I ignored, but my life changed drastically and I have the feeling that I succeeded into at the same time setting my in-laws free from all fears they had about my husband’s faith, and at the same time warding off the bad luck which took birth from all that religious instability among my parents and my patriarchal half-siblings.