I am writing this blog post, further to a recent experience that I have had during the week. The experience was disagreeable, and it took me a lot of time to accept and to understand the why and how behind what happened to me.
A couple of days ago, I had an argument with a friend of mine, further to a series of useless disagreements, for which I was the only culprit. I had a lot of difficulties at first to accept whatever my friend proposed to me, and to be honest, I didn’t act positively. Instead of taking my time to accept what my friend recommended me, I was boiling deep inside myself, since I had the impression to have been violated in my own ideas, whereas in reality my friend had some reasons for disagreeing with me. Also, instead of reacting positively and constructively as per my friend’s choices, I let the negative attitude enveloping me, and I reacted by writing an email with a lot of rubbish and nonsense arguments where I explained to my friend why I disagreed with him and why I wanted to remain on my own position.
My friend read my email and was very unhappy about what I wrote. He frankly told me that he didn’t appreciate my email at all and warned me that if I keep on having a negative attitude, I will retrieve myself with a lot of doors closed and people getting away from me. This is unfortunately the kind of reproach that I keep on having all the time from my husband even in my daily life, and unfortunately the bad example that I obtained from my parents during all my childhood. We always say that example comes from the top, don’t we? I was raised in a big house, with chauffeur, maids, gardeners and almost never experienced travelling by bus, except when I started university and when I started working and having my financial independence. Moreover, my parents unfortunately were always capricious, however it would be my mother or my father. They were proud, arrogant, megalomaniac and were sore losers each time they were wrong, since they never wanted to accept their faults nor their mistakes and always wanted to be right all the time. They were also of bad faith when they refused to face the reality of life or anything unexpected. Unfortunately, not only they were like that, but they also brought me up to become like that. That was why I never had friends at school and repulsing a lot of people around me for years, since I was adopting a very bad attitude wherever I was going, and even brought a lot of bad luck around me because of that bad attitude.
Even after marriage, unfortunately I kept on having that bad attitude, and it shut so many doors around me, starting with society and opportunities to have a social life and a good career. I always tended to be negative and to put all the wrongs on other people when they disagreed with me or were against me. I never understood how my husband, who was much more mature than me and wiser than me, could remain silent and indifferent when there were some people barking against him, however it could be at work, in society, in his family background or anywhere else. For my part, I admit I am still the one who talks louder, who barks louder than my adversary, who always wants to be right and who always fights with a lot of sound instead of being a silent warrior. I admit that when it comes on attitude, I still need a lot to learn about it and to work extremely hard when it comes on having a good attitude.
However, just after my friend put me back in the right place, it was as if I received an electroshock on me, and I suddenly realized that I was completely wrong and that I have talked a lot of rubbish for nothing, and that all that mess could have been avoided if, instead of barking my frustration in that email, I either asked my friend questions if I doubted about something I don’t understand, or take more time to calm down and to find out the answers to the unasked questions that were floating in my mind regarding my friend’s opinion. Only God knows the numerous times that I approached my friend, either by email or on WhatsApp to apologize, to recognize the mistake of my words and especially of my thoughts and to agree with what he proposed to me. I am feeling very bad that I realized my mistake unfortunately too late and that I let the shot going. Unfortunately, this is in that kind of school that I have been raised because of my parents and I passively repeated the same bad attitude in my new family each time that I disagree with my husband especially when I am wrong! Even my young son disagrees with me and always begs me to stop creating so much havoc in the house, since he cannot stand the both of us fighting uselessly, and he is right.
Like I mentioned as a comment of a video published by a local celebrity of my country, there is no age to be a good leader. These were only words, but unfortunately I was unable to put those same words in practice when it came about my own life. When I think about the way I was raised by my parents, I came on a conclusion that is unfortunately true: Example doesn’t always come from the top, sometimes it should also come from the bottom. The top represents our elders and all the ones who are still governing the country, whereas the bottom represents the Mauritian youth of today and of tomorrow. I still remember a quote that someone wrote on all his social platforms where he mentioned “Behave yourselves, Politicians. The Youth are watching”. If the governance is good, definitely the society will be good, but if the governance is bad, the society will be bad. There will be so many blind followers who will passively have the same negative attitude as their governors, and very few will have the courage and the guts to rebel and show their rights to fight against the governors’ mistakes, under pain of masquerading as the bad ones. And if the government will act as dictators towards its people, in case one of its people dares acting against the government, instead of being considered as a hero, he or she will be the biggest villain for the government, which won’t hesitate to blacken their opponent’s bravery for naming and shaming their bad actions. All this, because those who are on the top show a very negative attitude towards their people, and also in such circumstances, their will be a few courageous souls who will have the courage to dispatch themselves from the government’s oppression on them and create their own journey to positive attitude to inspire other people.
When I left Mauritius for a new life overseas, unfortunately I didn’t leave Mauritius with a positive image of the country. My husband and I returned from Madagascar after we spent more than 4 years of expatriation there, and we have been staying back in Mauritius for more than 3 years, which gave us the time to have a child and to have our new house. However, during that period, it was incredible how the mores in Mauritius degraded so much, despite the economic boom in the country! Each time that we were opening the newspapers, there were only murders, crimes, sexual assaults, drug deals, corruption, social insecurity, poverty, etc. These were things that I never experienced before when I was still residing in Mauritius before marriage. During that period, Mauritius was a true paradise where it was so good to live and where every citizen was feeling at home. There was respect for elders, safety everywhere, family spirit, good neighborhood and socialization, good mores, economic boom, education for everyone and especially simplicity of life. But all those good things existed under a good governance, which unfortunately degraded through the years and through changes of governance, including at its head so many members with controversial historical facts, which were published in our local newspapers, and which unfortunately inspired the Mauritians, especially the young generation, to follow that sad example they were showing, or to passively remain the silent and hopeless spectators of those controversial people’s destructive and shameful actions.
In a more private environment, out of politics, example also is shown by our elders, by our bosses in the company we work for, by our teachers who educate our children, by the religious representatives who proclaim the Holy Word as per the religion they preach, etc. If our elders are leading a bad life without good principles, how do they want their children to become good future family members and inculcate the good values to their children as soon as they will turn adults? If our teachers misbehave, abuse on the pupils and don’t teach our kids properly the good things of education, how will our children have their degrees and diplomas as their passports for university and for having either a good job or creating their own business?
Also, does the example really come from the top? Cannot it come also from the bottom? It can come from the bottom, but what is sad is that very few people believe in the power of youth and always underestimate the youth as the ones who don’t know anything, whereas elders overestimate themselves because of their age and the experience that they had in their lives. Someone once told me that age was just a number, and that the true age doesn’t depend on the number of physical years that you have, nor on the number of experiences that life challenges you, but on the lessons that you learn from your experiences of the past, and which bring you more maturity and wisdom. More and more youngsters are already gaining into experience, especially for those who do their personal construction themselves, since they see a lot of things that our elders aren’t able to see and that people of bad faith refuse to see. So why don’t we trust our youth too? Don’t they have their words to say? Why then do we underestimate the fact that the truth comes from children’s mouths then? Do we think that because we are older than our children, we detain all the keys to knowledge?
Based on today’s educational level, I am very happy to notice that more and more schools overseas are adopting the fact that each child is unique. For my part, I am very satisfied that my son has the privilege to be considered as a unique child according to the education he is receiving actually in his school, like it’s the case for other children. As someone also once told me, life is a celebration and not a competition. I wish one day, in Mauritius, all schools start adapting that attitude, since it’s incredible how in all government schools, in work environment and social mores, the competition spirit is so ferocious! And how other children and adults always want to copy on others just for competing and being better than them and due to pure jealousy. A friend once told me that jealousy and competition are from the minds of the fool, since unfortunately a lot of people refuse to understand that happiness doesn’t knock at everyone’s door at the same time, and doesn’t appear in front of everyone’s door in the same shape. I love a quote that a friend of mine once shared with me, saying “Happiness is like a butterfly: The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you start thinking about other things, it comes and softly sits upon your shoulder.” And the best key to happiness is to stop teaching competition and jealousy to our children when they are born, because they never take birth with that spirit, and shouldn’t let society influencing them to cultivate those two happiness and prosperity killers.